Month: June 2010

"TheBallad of Stallion Cornell" was written during my freshman year at the University of Southern California. I had just gotten my first guitar, and I was trying to figure out what to do with it. I only knew about three or four chords, and I played them over and over, which resulted in the OOM-chuck-chuck ... Read more

Adolescencewas not kind to my songwriting career.“I Am A Cow” showed real promise, but as the years dragged on, every other song I attempted to write was crap. The problem was that I was trying to be soulful and get chicks, so my songs were all about how deep and sensitive I was. Except that ... Read more

I’vealways maintained that “I Am A Cow” (1979) is the very first song I ever wrote, but that might not be accurate, as it was contemporary with the song “Chop Up Your Grandma,” which had lyrics as follows:I’m gonna chop up your grandmaDa-na-na-na-naI’m gonna put her in a microwave ovenI’m going ... Read more

StephenSondheim is arguably the greatest living composer of musical theatre. Certainly he is the most respected by the arts community. He burst on to Broadway in 1957 as the lyricist for the new musical West Side Story. His credits include A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, A Little Night Music, Gypsy, ... Read more

GeorgeBurns' geriatric career went into overdrive when he appeared in a magnificent movie, playing the Almighty Himself.The problem was that I wasn't allowed to say the name of the movie.Why? Well, it was called "Oh, God!" and repeating that title was taking the name of the Lord in vain. I would describe the movie to ... Read more

Thefirst trailer for The Voyage of the Dawn Treader was released not too long ago, and I’m actually surprised that it looks as good as it does.[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qf9Xl84b9Wo&w=640&h=385]The story on the Narnia movies was that the second movie had a bigger budget and a smaller box office, so Disney punted the franchise over to Fox, who ... Read more

Thereis a moment at the end of Toy Story 3 where you realize unequivocally that this is the finest film of the series. It's a moment that involves a simple gesture and no words. I don't need to tell you any more than that. I promise you, you will know it when you see it. ... Read more

courtthejester39/ M / Straight / SingleBeverly Hills, CaliforniaEssaysDetailsMy Self-Summary:I have five donut shops in five countries. Each of them are controlled by remote-control in a secret mountain base hidden beneath my neighborhood laundry-mat. From there, I coordinate which distributors of powdered sugar, glaze material, sprinkles and so forth will win the contract for ... Read more

Afew years back, I wrote a full screenplay titled "Stallion Cornell." It will never be produced, largely due to the offensive nature of this first scene. But if you've seen the opening to Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, this won't be too startling.Enjoy!EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - DAYWide shot of a WOMAN climbing up the side ... Read more

Mysons are athletes. They’re even good athletes. Given one-half of their genetic makeup, that’s an astonishing fact. When I used to play right field in little league, I got bored and sat down during most of the innings. In contrast, my twins are the stars of their competitive soccer team, which often leads me to ... Read more