Month: June 2008

Ihave never had a fresh fish tell me what time it was. If that had happened, an locusts were present for the funeral, she might be all severe and treat me like the goose. Oh, to long for open fields of papaya, straining for the sun! Pinto beans have got nothing on me. Nothing. Only ... Read more

Iwalked out in the middle of a movie last night. Sadly, that’s a first for me. I cannot recall ever having done that in the past. And I’ve seen some pretty bad movies. I’ve seen some wretchedly offensive movies – Reservoir Dogs springs to mind. I would have walked out on that one, except I ... Read more

Letme take you back in time to the mid 1990s, when I was running a summer stock theatre in Jackson Hole. During the off-season, we donated the space to a local production company that had free reign of the place for next to nothing. They generally abused the privilege, damaged our equipment, and made life ... Read more

Onlytwo things are necessary for a perfect life: a force field and a ray gun. With a force field and a ray gun, you could secede from the union and set up a sovereign nation on your own personal estate, driving away tax collectors and forcing the government to send ambassadors to come and treat ... Read more

SoI’m a “little late with the blogpost today, Blogboy,” according to some anonymous commenter on yesterday’s post. One would think that savoring the lyrics to “Cannibal Eyes” would take a true arts connoisseur a week or two, but since no true arts connoisseurs read this blog, I’m not surprised that many of you lack the ... Read more

PaulMcCartney claims that the tune for “Yesterday” came to him in a dream. The lyrics didn’t arrive until later – the working title for the song was originally “Scrambled Eggs.” It began with the following couplet:

Scrambled Eggs Oh my baby, how I love your legs…

I’m betting it all goes downhill from there. Well, ... Read more

Almostall Washingtonian stupidity can somehow be traced back to the presidential administration of one James Earl Carter. By effectively abandoning the Shah of Iran in the name of human rights piety, Carter emboldened the radical Islamist movement and gave lunatics and thugs a permanent foothold in the Middle East. 9/11 happened because Clinton ignored Bin ... Read more

Mywife was more than OK with it, but I’m taking some heat from commenters on yesterday’s post in which I depicted my future wife as a “human sewer” who, when I first met her, had “likely dipped her hair in an oil slick.” Foodleking insisted that the blog must have been ghostwritten by someone with ... Read more

Defyingher Luddite traditions, Mrs. Cornell has now become a regular reader of this blog, and therefore its harshest critic. She thinks it needs to be funny on a daily basis, which may prove difficult, as she’s not a fan of fat jokes and/or bowel humor, which constitute well over ninety percent of my comedic repertoire. ... Read more