What I Want To Be When I Grow Up

As a little kid, I wanted to be a brain surgeon. I heard they make lots of money, and you had to be really smart to do it.

Then I met a brain surgeon. He was old and crusty looking. I didn’t want to be old and crusty looking, so I decided I needed to be something else.

I wanted to be a rock star. So I sent in my application, and I have yet to hear back.

I also wanted to be an actor, until I discovered that I don’t like actors. I like acting, sort of, but I don’t “appreciate the craft.” Actors tend to be very self-important, narcissistic people, and I can no longer imagine a life where my entire existence is validated by the amount if applause I get.

So what’s left?

I’m pushing 40, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I’m not really complaining; I’ve been able to make a living, which is a good thing, since I now have five children who only eat if I have a job, yet I have yet to discover a career. I’d still be happy to be a rock star, though. When Mick Jagger retires, I’m going to fill his position.

It’s not like I’m nobody. I’m a husband and a father, and both of those roles are very satisfying. It’s just that I’m not content just to make money. I want to accomplish something. I want to achieve something. I feel like as time goes by, I’m running out of options.

Should I be a dentist?

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