I come to this site often in the hope that one of the 7.3 zillion comments awaiting moderation is actually from a human being. Instead, I get at least 50 spam messages a day, and I don’t know how to make them stop.

Most of them are long, tedious lists of links to free viagra, online gambling, or porn sites, but several of them try to pretend to be positive comments.

“Excellent work! Nice design!” says one. Then it has a link to a site titled “Maxporn.” Do they think I’ll be so flattered by the praise that I won’t notice Maxwell’s porn link? Yes, I know “Maxporn” is probably short for “maximum porn,” but I’m pretending it’s a place where a single nerd named Max posts naughty pictures of himself.

A guy named “comprar Tamiflu” posts no such links – he just finds an ancient post on Global Warming and then posts, “I searched for arguer and I found your blog. I really like it. Keep going – well done!” Thanks for the encouragement, comprar Tamiflu! Many people find my blog by searching for arguer. I’m still not going to approve your comment.

The goal, I’m assuming, is to get one comment through the filter, which would make the spammer an approved commenter and allow them to actually show up on the page in the future, instead of clogging up my comment moderation folder. Not going to happen anytime soon, spammers.

Then there’s the really strange, cryptic spam. I’ve been getting a whole lot of messages with a variation on a theme – here’s the most recent, from some guy named “Lagoeteve:”

“upportive, they difficulties to be taught that filing lawsuits is not the placement to be during piracy. As contrasted with, it’s to jolly-boat something use than piracy. Like concord of use. It’s all in all a straws easier to ride mad as a march hare iTunes than to search the Internet with jeopardy of malware and then crappy eminence, but if people are expected to antidote as regards loads and lie hard against ages, it’s not bounteous to work. They one would sooner a squat together indubitably people become eloquent with software and Entanglement sites that pan it ridiculously tranquilly to corsair, and up the quality. If that happens, then there disposition be no stopping piracy. But they’re too sharp and horrified of losing. Risks purloin to be french bewitch‚e!”

I’ve gotten about thirty messages like this, each with subtle, incomprehensible variations. “Crappy eminence” is sometimes replaced by “crappy sublimity,” and instead of squatting, one message has them “chap prevailing,” along with other nonsensical replacements. No links.

Why? Honestly, why?

I know that there’s not one Spam Master out there churning out this hud, and that all of it is computer generated, but, honestly, what do they hope that crap sublimation will accomplish? Is it just fun to clutter up other people’s websites? What am I missing here?

At least with Languatron, you can applaud the human effort he puts into saying absolutely nothing.

Languatron, BTW, has gone underground again. Having recently left Frakheads.com in a huff, he now posts exclusively at his own board – languatron.freeforums.org – where he boasts of astonishing sales figures and literary awards for his print-on-demand pamphlets that cost somewhere near $20 for 98 pages of homemade, analog spam. He and I are are part of a dying breed – actual human beings writing actual words that don’t make a lick of sense. We signal to be taught that filing lawsuits is not the locating to invoke call to a delay piracy. A substitute alternatively, it’s to review something in the most prompt stretch than piracy. Like still of use. It’s overwhelmingly a whopping numbers easier to contemn iTunes than to search the Internet with peril of malware and then crappy sublimity, but if people are expected to camaraderie loads and something off on repayment as a replacement for ages, it’s not affluent to work.