Stallion Cornell

I’ma slob. That’s why I’m not gay. Seinfeld taught us that all gay people are thin, single, and neat. I used to be two out of three, but my piles of wrinkled clothing and the fast food wrappers stored in my car kept me from going over the edge. Of course, now I’m married and ... Read more

Iwatched two movie musicals this weekend. One worked; one didn’t. Which was which? You might be surprised. It’s very hard to make a credible movie musical. On a stage, everything’s somewhat artificial, so when people spontaneously burst into song, it’s easy to suspend disbelief. Movies mimic reality far more closely, so filmed people who sing ... Read more

AlGore winning the Nobel Peace Prize is just as significant as Halle Berry being the first black woman to win Best Actress at the Oscars. Remember Berry’s groundbreaking victory? According to her, it wasn’t just Halle Berry who won. It was "every nameless, faceless woman of color who now has a chance because this door ... Read more

Oncethere was a super hero named Worm Man. He had a super speed mode car plane boat. Fox Man came back to attack the city. Worm Man did not know how Fox Man came back. Fox Man brought his Mega Sword. He knocked down a building. But what could Worm Man do? He could be ... Read more

Sadly, Google can only find two lingering online evidences of the delightful Finnish sitcom Gref Dafflebaum, considered by many to be the finest Scandinavian situation comedy since Bunion Thunder. Yet it was only three years ago when Gref references were plentiful – he had his own tribute page, a raging discussion on the ... Read more

Foodleking has arrived. For those of you who don’t know him, which would likely be all of you, I want to take a moment to introduce you to someone who is one of my very best friends in the world. I’ve known Foodleking since I was six years old, when I first moved to Southern ... Read more

SinceI’ve told you two stories of people who loathe me – one here and one here – I thought I’d complete the trilogy with what is, perhaps, the most bizarre I-Hate-Stallion story ever. It’s also, fortunately, the one with the happiest ending, so I’ll put it down here for posterity and then start talking ... Read more

Thepast two days have been General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Over the course of five two-hour sessions, the leaders of the church give instruction to the entire membership, and it always leaves me with a determination to be a better guy. (It’s also a delightful weekend, because it’s broadcast ... Read more

Sayingthe name “Languatron” aloud in polite company is a slightly disturbing experience. I’ve certainly done it on a few occasions, usually with members of my family. (My wife likes to use the handle “Languatron” when we play laser tag, in honor of Langy’s own stated enthusiasm for that particular activity.) But last night, my strange ... Read more

Mywife gave me a copy of WarCraft II for Christmas of 1996, about two weeks before my first daughter was born. She’s never given me another video game since. I can’t begin to calculate the hours I wasted sneaking off to play that game. Just one more level. Just let me finish this. I’ll be ... Read more