There is a story my father told me, and I have no way of determining its veracity. But it’s a good story, so I’m going to pass it along.
My father had a friend of a friend who, along with his wife and writing partner, made their living as script doctors. That is to say, if a movie blew chunks, this couple would come in and fix the script for a tidy fee or a piece of the back end. They would receive no credit for their work, so they were compensated all the more for having to toil in anonymity.
At one point in the mid ’70s, they received a phone call. “We’ve got this space epic at Fox,” the guy on the other end said. “It’s awful, and it’s way over budget.” So the script doctors jumped in and saved the day. They lightened the movie’s tone, beefing up the comic elements and gave the dull, turgid dialogue some life. They were given 5 points each for their work; i.e. 10% of the gross profits. They ended up selling half of that back to Fox for $50,000 before the movie came out, because they were convinced it was going to bomb.
Yep. ‘Twas Star Wars. I can’t prove any aspect of the above story, but I trust my father.
It’s worth noting that Lucas did not write the screenplays for The Empire Strikes Back – unarguably the finest movie in the Star Wars canon and the only reason the franchise still survives – and Return of the Jedi. He didn’t direct either film, either. He provided the basic story for both of them, but they are the product of vastly more talented writers and directors than he is. When he directed the first movie, he didn’t have the clout to avoid studio meddling in the final product.
But when he directed the prequels, he was the King of Clout. He was the Almighty George Lucas, and nobody was going to doctor his scripts. So, with no one to tell him no, Lucas gave us all a chance to see what a wretched writer and director he really was.
Not satisfied to spew the prequel dreck, Lucas has decided to meddle with the original films. And he can’t stop meddling.
Behold.
One wonders how he recorded this dialogue. Did he call up James Earl Jones, haul him into a studio, and get him to say “No” twice? Why? WHY? It destroys the integrity of the scene. First off, does Darthy think the Emperor can’t hear him the first time he mutters this? I mean, he’s standing right there. If you’re killing some guy’s son and you hear him say “no,” don’t you react? This is just clunky, obvious, amateur filmmaking.
It’s also something akin to drawing a fake moustache on someone else’s painting. As my friend Dianna so eloquently said on Facebook:
As bugged as I am by this, I can only imagine how Richard Marquand would’ve felt had he been alive to see Lucas come along and doctor up his directorial work. If they were Lucas’ own films, I’d just be annoyed. But it really feels unethical when he “touches up” another director’s work.
Exactly! This isn’t his film. He didn’t write it; he didn’t direct it. It’s been in the public consciousness for almost two decades. Yet he keeps “improving” these films, and not just by updating the visuals. You don’t hear, for instance, comparable complaints about the remastered Star Trek versions that are out there with updated visual effects. That’s because great care was taken only to upgrade visuals, not to alter plot. They never substitute Kirk for Spock in the Vulcan Nerve Pinch scenes, for instance. And, more importantly, they don’t presume that these remastered Treks are replacements for the original – they’re merely alternatives.
Lucas won’t give you alternatives. If you want to watch Star Wars on Blu-Ray, you have to watch a version where Greedo shoots first; where Hayden Christensen shows up as a ghost; where a five-minute scene in Empire with the Emperor is completely reshot and replaced, and, now, where Darth Vader moans like a nerd who got kicked in the crotch. The original versions no longer exist, as far as Lucas is concerned.
So am I a Star Wars fan anymore? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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