Neuromanzr chimed in on the comments yesterday to point out that the chronology of this whole story is a little messy, and he’s probably right. I’m trying to give a sense of the history with a loose eye for detail. Perhaps the most accurate history of Languatron can be found in John Larocque’s Languatron Chronicles at the Moist Board, which provided helpful links to allow me to piece this whole thing together. Unfortunately, his links only extend to 2004, and very few of them are active. You can find some of them in the Internet Archive, and John does provide a brief synopsis that gives you a flavor for what was going on.
Today, however, I’m not going to focus on what happened on the boards themselves, but, rather, what was going on behind the scenes.
Languatron, it seems, was furious that former Star Trek writer Ron Moore was simply creating a new Star Trek series using the Galactica brand.
It is no secret that the Universal/Sci-Fi Channel corporation has been envious of and has COVETED Paramount Pictures “Star Trek” franchise. “Star Trek” has been a huge money maker for Paramount since the 1970’s. Even before the first theatrical film was released in 1979, Paramount was making a S–T LOAD of money from merchandising concepts that were about a decade old. Combined with the “Star Trek” reruns in the 1970’s, Paramount was also making money from “Star Trek” books, model kits, calenders, etc.
Universal/Sci-Fi Channel’s ENVY of the “Star Trek” property however, REACHED OBSESSION; and BLATANT COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT in the 2000’s. Their ENVY of “Star Trek”, combined with their HATRED of “Battlestar Galactica”, resulted in the most TRAGIC and DEVASTATING manifestation of CORPORATE MISMANAGEMENT in Hollywood history. They hired Ronald D. Moore to produce and write for them a “STAR TREK SEQUEL SERIES”, using “Battlestar Galactica” in its title.
– Languatron, “Sci-Fi Channel Wanted A Star Trek Sequel Series…..And Got One,” February 14, 2005, xsorbit.com, a board from which he was quickly banned.
GINO has many flaws, but being a Star Trek clone, candidly, just isn’t one of them. It’s crappy on its own terms. But that didn’t stop Languatron from posting this loopy theory anywhere and everywhere. He championed the idea that Paramount would, no doubt, sue Ron Moore for ripping them off.
Then things took a turn for the devious.
In short order, Lang got an email from Paramount attorney Jeff Downey, who assured him that the lawsuit was proceeding apace, and that Lang’s rants were very helpful in the effort, and would he please keep screeching on the subject.
Yes, someone will likely go to hell for that.
Behind the scenes, Jeff and Langy began swapping stories and establishing a rapport, with Lang forwarding all of his most paranoid screeds to Jeff in order to be as helpful as possible. Publicly, Lang was positively atwitter, announcing to the world that “events were in motion” that would bring Ron Moore to a screeching halt. Indeed, “events are in motion” became Lang’s catchphrase, which prompted a number of other descriptions of events set in motion, events which usually ended with a flush and a wipe. But Lang was undeterred – events were in motion; he had the inside scoop. He refused to be flushed.
Jeff Downey was suitably impressed with Lang’s legal skills. Lang was familiar with phrases like “summary judgment,” knowledge of which required several hours of watching Law and Order or, perhaps, Boston Legal. Lang and Jeff became buddies, and finally, Jeff asked to know that if Lang wasn’t a lawyer, what did he do for a living?
The answer provided the sum total of biographical information that connects Languatron to the same world we live in.
Behold the real Languatron -Andrew Fullen of Chicago, Illinois.
“I’m an adult college student pursuing a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech/Performing Fine Arts. I have an Associates Degree in Business Information Systems but could not go any further as I found the math too difficult. I was having difficulties in Algebra yet I needed to advance to Calculus to get a Bachelors Degree in Computer Science. I figured I had better end my misery before it ballooned into a full blown disaster. For income as a college student, I am a cook full time at a well known national chain restaurant. I am a very non-white collar guy at the moment.”
Hence the legend of Languatron: Dennys Chef.
When Jeff Downey failed to deliver on his promised lawsuit, Lang became bitter and disappeared, seemingly forever.
Tomorrow: Missing Langy…
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