stallioncornell

Mywife was more than OK with it, but I’m taking some heat from commenters on yesterday’s post in which I depicted my future wife as a “human sewer” who, when I first met her, had “likely dipped her hair in an oil slick.” Foodleking insisted that the blog must have been ghostwritten by someone with ... Read more

Defyingher Luddite traditions, Mrs. Cornell has now become a regular reader of this blog, and therefore its harshest critic. She thinks it needs to be funny on a daily basis, which may prove difficult, as she’s not a fan of fat jokes and/or bowel humor, which constitute well over ninety percent of my comedic repertoire. ... Read more

Ithink I discovered that acting was a cool thing to do somewhere around the age of nine or ten. It was at summer school, and I auditioned for the production of “Really Rosie,” in which I played a monkey. I got to wear monkey ears and everything. The highlight was when I got to solo ... Read more

NOTICEFROM THE MANAGEMENT TO PEOPLE OF ALL RELIGIONS, CREEDS, COLORS, AND COLLEGE FRATERNITIES: Once I’m dead, I invite all worshippers of all other religious faiths to use this post as blanket permission to posthumously baptize me into their faith. Have at it, boys. Do what you will. Hindus, reincarnate me as anything canine, feline, or ... Read more

Ireally hope there’s a special level of hell reserved for weasels like Scott McClellan. McClellan, as you may or may not know, is the former press secretary of President Bush who has written a scathing tell-all book that pushes all the right MoveOn.org buttons. You know the drill - Bush lied, kids died. They’ve been ... Read more

SoI spent most of the long weekend in Los Angeles, as it was my uncle’s 80th birthday party. I lived with this aunt and uncle for several years while I attended the University of Southern California, and I consider them my surrogate parents. They have the same address where I lived lo these many years ... Read more

Sowe took the family to see Indiana Jones tonight. All of them. Even Stalliondo, who is just a week or two shy of his third birthday. He dug most of it, but got freaked out by anything involving dark spaces or skeletons. The twins were a little freaked, too, but I don’t think it was ... Read more

Soit seems my sister, who lives on the West Coast, read this blog just moments before tuning into the big Idol finale, and despite my spoiler warning at the top, she couldn’t avoid seeing the lone “I can’t believe David Cook won” sentence sitting there all by itself. She was less than pleased. Within moments, ... Read more

American Idol doesn't end for another 45 minutes or so, but I just checked votefortheworst.com's message board. I can't believe that David Cook won. I'm not upset. Or even disappointed, although I was rooting for the Utah kid. I'm just stunned that the voters stuck it to Simon like that. Last night, watching the finals, ... Read more

Justone last tidbit on the gay marriage thing – I’ve pretty much stolen all of my reasoning on this topic from Dennis Prager, who writes a compelling article today on the subject that may sound vaguely familiar. (As you’ll see in the article, I lifted my line about the difference between parents being more than ... Read more