{"id":88,"date":"2009-01-26T17:46:00","date_gmt":"2009-01-26T17:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stallioncornell.wordpress.com\/2009\/01\/26\/gino-cant-end-soon-enough"},"modified":"2009-01-26T17:46:00","modified_gmt":"2009-01-26T17:46:00","slug":"gino-cant-end-soon-enough","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/gino-cant-end-soon-enough\/","title":{"rendered":"GINO can’t end soon enough"},"content":{"rendered":"
I’m watching the rest of the Galactica In Name Only Series out of a perverse sense of duty, and it just keeps getting worse. If you don’t know anything about this series, allow me to elaborate.\u00a0<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

The Cylons were created by man. They rebelled. They evolved. And they have a plan.<\/p>\n

Part of the plan involves pushing back the date of their creation by several thousand years. See, when they were created by man, they were clunky and inelegant, like walking toasters. But BEFORE they were created by man, and long before they evolved, they were people, and they started their own colony millions of light years away on a planet called Earth, where they created their own centurions that look a lot like Tom DeSanto\u2019s designs. There they ate fresh fruit and played sweet Dylan tunes and wore power suits before blowing themselves up and forgetting who they were. Then they conveniently show up jillions of miles away in the Colonies and, when things get rough on a Cylon-occupied Iraqi planet, the Original Cylons kill as many New Cylons as possible, but not before one of them kills another one after getting his eye ripped out with an ice cream scoop. The one-eyed Cylon hates Cylons most of all, which is why he boinks a model that is WAY hotter than he is and gets her pregnant, even though Cylons can\u2019t get pregnant unless, of course, they\u2019re in love, which is the same lie millions of high school boys have used on their na\u00efve and in-love girlfriends, only with Cylons, it\u2019s true, unless you\u2019re a one-eyed Cylon hater that\u2019s essentially raping the Hot Blonde Cylon but fantasizing that she\u2019s the Cylon wife you murdered, only in your fantasies, she\u2019s wearing a bad wig that makes her look like a three-dollar, 50-year-old hooker. Anyway, the Hot Blonde Cylon is now holding hands with the One-Eyed Cylon and making googly eyes (three eyes in all) at the ultrasound pics, which ticks off the one-legged gay non-Cylon who only likes chicks if they\u2019re Cylons, but you wouldn\u2019t know that unless you\u2019ve seen the webisodes. One-Eyed Cylon is the number two guy among the Non-Cylons, too, but he\u2019s all mad when another Original Cylon starts making demands that the New Cylons be full citizens in the fleet, even though this Original Cylon is not living with the New Cylons and is too busy worrying about being cuckolded by a guy named Hot Dog, which is probably the only part of this long and convoluted paragraph that makes a lick of sense if you really think about it.<\/p>\n

All this, of course, is irrelevant to what the writers are really interested in, which is custody disputes, middle-aged lovin\u2019 with Talosian chicks, political haggling, and universal healthcare.<\/p>\n

Gaaaargh.<\/p>\n

I know I don\u2019t come across as a big fan of this series, so stating that I\u2019m disappointed with where this show is going carries absolutely no weight at all. But I can\u2019t imagine that anyone who\u2019s been admiring the Emperor\u2019s New Clothes for the past four and a half seasons can be pleased with the direction Moore is taking his little opus for the last ten episodes.<\/p>\n

You know all those questions you have? Well, Moore has decided to answer all the questions you don\u2019t have first. Maybe he\u2019ll give cursory answers to the interesting questions, but since he doesn\u2019t have any real answers to those, he\u2019s going to focus on the crap that interests him, not the crap that interests you. So the fact that there\u2019s essentially no difference between Cylons and humans will have to wait while we hear Doc Cottle explain patient\/ doctor confidentiality as an inconvenient plot twist is retconned away. We watch Adama pick out his suits for about ten minutes; we hear about Roslin\u2019s euphoric withdrawal from cancer meds, and we listen to Kara as she calls Gaeta a gimp, but fortunately, she respects his lifestyle choices, because she\u2019s a closet lesbian herself, I mean, come on, who are we kidding here?<\/p>\n

Then there\u2019s the plot which threatens to comprise the remainder of this series, which is yet another tiresome political machination from Tom Zarek, so we get a council that\u2019s agog and a ridiculously bloated press corps barking questions about everything. None of their questions are answered satisfactorily, either, so Moore is nothing if not consistently inconsistent.<\/p>\n

This show is out of steam, folks. It\u2019s floundering. It\u2019s farting in the wind. Pick your metaphor; there\u2019s nothing to see here. In the last few moments of the episode, Adama speaks for everyone when he asks his date from the Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet if she cares about anything that\u2019s just happened in the past hour.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she answers.<\/p>\n

Adama laughs. \u201cNeither do I.\u201d<\/p>\n

Got news for you, Eddie. Neither does anybody else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I'm watching the rest of the Galactica In Name Only Series out of a perverse sense of duty, and it just keeps getting worse. If you don't know anything about this series, allow me to elaborate.\u00a0 The Cylons were created by man. They rebelled. They evolved. And they have a plan. Part of the plan ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=88"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/88\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=88"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=88"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=88"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}