By 2006, Languatron was gone.<\/p>\n
He had completely disappeared.<\/p>\n
Every board had banned him. Every respectable person on the Internet despised him. And, according to Lang, every other person on the Internet was actually an employee of Universal Studios, and they were all out to get him. So he retreated into his Fun Fortress, which could only be viewed by registered users, and \u2013 surprise! – he was the only registered user. Unregistered users could see the total number of posts, but not the posts themselves. We all noted the fact that the post count continued to rise, which meant Lang was writing his paranoid fantasies for an audience of one.<\/p>\n
In my real life, I was getting more and more involved in web design and video production, and I was learning how to use Flash to make simple animations. As a sort of training project, I decided to create an homage to the absent Languatron, whose departure from the scene had left a hole in the hearts of those he hated \u2013 an online Stockholm Syndrome, if you will.<\/p>\n
The video below was the result.<\/p>\n
But before you watch it, a few words of explanation. Having reviewed the movie for the first time in years, I had hoped that all of the posts I had made would give you enough context to understand all the references. I was surprised at how much I\u2019d left out. So here\u2019s an additional primer so you can chortle along with the rest of the Moist Boys.<\/p>\n
The video begins with three phrases Lang used in his posts: \u201cImplied Innuendo,\u201d \u201cPedestrian Lethargy,\u201d and \u201cDiscriminatory Ambivalence.\u201d There\u2019s no major significance to any of these phrases, other than the fact that they\u2019re all kind of stupid. The video then shows a picture of \u201cunsold DVD shelves,\u201d which Languatron insisted would hold the DVD copies of the GINO miniseries. RGrant was quick to point out that 1) All DVDs on shelves in stores are unsold, and 2) Lang was referring to the shelves, not the DVDs. We all imagined what an unsold DVD shelf would look like, and in the video, you get your answer.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a brief screen shot of one of Lang\u2019s posts from Cylon.org, which features his signature listing several of his enemies supposedly saying \u201cHelp me, I can\u2019t fight Langy alone.\u201d For some reason, I\u2019m not a part of that signature in that screen capture, and there are only four names listed \u2013 Rgrant, Neuromanzr, Hubcap Dave, and dvo47p. Usually, Stallion_Cornell \u2013 always with the underscore \u2013 was listed, too. We came to be known as the \u201cFlatulent Five\u201d who couldn\u2019t fight Langy alone. Everyone else on Cylon.org was jealous that they weren\u2019t included in the list.<\/p>\n
The movie shows a picture of a bespectacled Lang, which was discovered by Moist Board agent codenamed Crappy Pants. It was a guesstimate as to what Lang would look like, but when a real picture of the guy surfaced, it proved to be surprisingly accurate. The picture of the guy with his head up his butt was RGrant\u2019s guesstimate as to what Lang looked like. While not physically accurate, it serves as a strong metaphor for Lang\u2019s spiritual condition.<\/p>\n
The scene from the original Battlestar Galactica featuring an actual languatron comes next, and the subtitles reimagine the scene as if the languatron were to translate using the personality of the living Languatron. It includes another silly phrase \u2013 \u201cCore Splinter Group\u201d \u2013 that Lang was fond of using. It\u2019s also quite rude and accuses the Ovions of being Universal Studios spies.<\/p>\n
We then come to the word \u201cRampa,\u201d a word Lang used as a substitute for \u201crampage.\u201d Originally, it was very likely a typographical error, but when the error was brought to his attention, Lang refused to acknowledge it and continued to use \u201crampa\u201d as part of his vocabulary in subsequent posts. Then events are set in motion, as explained yesterday.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s then a smattering of Lang diatribes from over the years followed by some nice Langy hula, then a brief appearance by a Simpsonized Lang and the aforementioned Flatulent Five. We go from there to Bob Is Shoe, and then The Bet. That\u2019s followed by \u201cA Strange Quietude,\u201d another of Lang\u2019s strange aphorisms, and then a list of things that are BANNABLE OFFENSES.<\/p>\n
I really wish I had explained this earlier.<\/p>\n
See, on all the boards Lang visited, he tried to play the victim when the admins of the boards started to come down on him. To prove that it was we Moist Boys, and not Lang, who were the nuisance, Lang would accuse us of \u201cBANNABLE OFFENSES.\u201d In his mind, just about everything was a bannable offense. Whenever we would respond to something, he claimed we were \u201ccrashing\u201d his threads, and crashing threads was a BANNABLE OFFENSE. If we disagreed with him, that, too, was a BANNABLE OFFENSE. The film provides a list of several such offenses, using dramatic license to extrapolate just what is bannable and what is not.<\/p>\n
The rest is self-explanatory, and I\u2019ve probably told you too much already.<\/p>\n
So, without further ado, I give you\u2026<\/p>\n
MISSING LANGY\u2026
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