Part of it is that I make my living writing crap.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get me wrong; it\u2019s GOOD crap; I write ad and web copy and whatever else anyone will pay me to do, and I\u2019m proud of most of it. But none of it is stuff I want<\/em> to write. I dabble in trying to finish long neglected novellas and plays begun in the days before poopy diapers, but most of that requires an intense focus that I can\u2019t sustain. (I hear lots of men have that problem.) So my dabblings on the web are a release \u2013 a way to write what I want to write, when I want to write it.<\/p>\n What I failed to mention when I turned this thing in was that I got there about five minutes late and missed the big makeout scene at the beginning. So there may have been more groping, fondling, and ogling that went unreported.<\/p>\n In many ways, I find this review more titillating than the actual movie. Reading about \u201cpassionate kissing, petting, and graphic sexual motions\u201d is more arousing than having to suffer through Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson going through said graphic sexual motions.<\/p>\n This movie was pretty mild compared to some of the refuse I had to endure. The record for F-words was 273 in Reservoir Dogs<\/span>. That’s right – 273. In an hour and a half. That\u2019s just over three F-words per minute. Quentin Tarantino only knows about six words, so he has to reuse them with offensive frequency. (Everyone thinks “Goodfellas” has more F-bombs than any other flick, but that only had 254. “Dogs” is the true F-bomb champ.)<\/p>\n So here\u2019s a trick of the trade.<\/p>\n In order to track the number of F, A, and silent Q words in a movie, you have to write them all down at the moment they\u2019re spoken. You can\u2019t just write the word once and put a tally mark next to it every time an F-bomb explodes. I was carrying a Franklin Day Planner at the time, and I was using extra paper in the back to keep track of my reviews. At the time I had this job, I was dating the lovely woman who is now my wife, and one fine day she started thumbing through my planner just to be nosy, and her eyes bugged out when she got to the pages filled with profanities. It took her awhile to believe that Tourette’s Syndrome was strictly a verbal condition.<\/p>\n To sum up: Languatron is an A-word.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"SoI told a friend of mine that I have a new blog up and running, and his first question was \u201cwhy?\u201dAnd I didn\u2019t have an answer, yet I continue to blog.I still haven\u2019t been able to explain the Moist Board<\/a> to anyone, including myself, so it\u2019s hard to say why I find writing this stuff ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-520","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=520"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/520\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=520"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=520"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=520"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.stallioncornell.com\/uploaded_images\/err-756907.png\")
<\/a>That\u2019s not to say that none of my writing gigs are any fun. The first time I was actually paid to write stuff, I was working for a newsletter called the “Entertainment Research Report,” which reviewed movies on behalf of prudish families who wanted to know the content of these films before taking their kids to see them, especially the R-rated films that they shouldn\u2019t even be considering in the first place. So I got twenty dollars a flick to go in and count the swear words, chronicle the acts of sex and violence, and write it all up in a clinical report suitable for filing. Witness my \u201creview\u201d of “Indecent Proposal,” the utterly forgettable Robert Redford\/Demi Moore\/Woody Harrelson sleazefest:<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.stallioncornell.com\/proposal.png\")
<\/p>\n