{"id":444,"date":"2007-11-05T18:13:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-05T18:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stallioncornell.wordpress.com\/2007\/11\/05\/rhymes-with-super"},"modified":"2007-11-05T18:13:00","modified_gmt":"2007-11-05T18:13:00","slug":"rhymes-with-super","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/rhymes-with-super\/","title":{"rendered":"Rhymes with Super!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lambasting the Screen Actor\u2019s Guild brought to mind the last time I unsuccessfully tried to join them. It was my final audition in Los Angeles, having spent the year unsuccessfully seeking roles on such notable television programs as Life Goes On<\/span> as a waiter who reports on successfully filling up salt shakers, on Step by Step<\/span> as a real life Beavis and\/or Butthead, and on Married with Children<\/span> as Nerd #5. I had already started making plans to move to Jackson Hole and run a theatre up there, but my agency called and told me they had set up an audition for a spot on Beverly Hills 90210. <\/span><\/p>\n

The role was some guy named Jack Gruper, a bespectacled geek who had two lines, which, surprisingly, I actually remember. They were:<\/p>\n

\u201cRhymes with super!\u201d and \u201cDuh! Rehearsal\u2019s over!\u201d<\/p>\n

Understand that television auditions are a demeaning waste of time. You usually get about twenty seconds with the casting director, and you have to somehow distinguish yourself from the 500 other people who walk in and say the same two lines you\u2019re supposed to say. I clearly recall the Life Goes On<\/span> audition, because it consisted of precisely one line: \u201cAlready did it, sir!\u201d It\u2019s experiences like that where being conversant with the complete works of William Shakespeare really comes in handy.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the 90210<\/span> audition involved about 50 bespectacled geeks sitting in a holding tank waiting for a casting director to call us into her office. When I finally got in there, the woman, smoking a cigarette, didn\u2019t even bother to get up from behind her desk or even look up at me. She just read my cue line, which was something like \u201cMeet my friend, Jack Gruper.\u201d After that, I was to say my first line \u2013 \u201cRhymes with super!\u201d \u2013 and we\u2019d proceed from there.<\/p>\n

Well, at this point in my career, I knew that I probably wouldn\u2019t have been able to take the job even if they had offered it to me. I was leaving Los Angeles for good the next week, and for the first time, I couldn\u2019t have cared less about what some Hollywood hack thought of me, so I was more than willing to burn this particular bridge to keep myself entertained.<\/p>\n

So after Smoky Woman muttered my cue, I struck a pseudo-heroic pose, thrust out my arms like some spastic elk and wailed \u201cRhymes with SUPER!!!\u201d in an accent best described as Monty Python on crack.<\/p>\n

That got her attention.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, um,\u201d she said, looking at me the first time, \u201c why don\u2019t we do that again, only tone it down this time, will ya?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGreat.\u201d And so she read the cue line again. \u201cMeet my friend Jack Gruper.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRHYMES with SYUUUUUPAAA!!\u201d Ha ha!! I did NOT tone it down! I was bigger, badder, bolder – King Lear howling against the wind! I would not go gently into that good night!! I raged! Raged against the dying of the light!!! RHYMES WITH SUPER, indeed! I’ll show YOU what rhymes with SUPER!<\/p>\n

I was done. I didn\u2019t even get to go on to \u201cDuh! Rehearsal\u2019s over,\u201d which is too bad, because it would have been brilliant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Lambastingthe Screen Actor\u2019s Guild brought to mind the last time I unsuccessfully tried to join them. It was my final audition in Los Angeles, having spent the year unsuccessfully seeking roles on such notable television programs as Life Goes On<\/span> as a waiter who reports on successfully filling up salt shakers, on Step by Step<\/span> ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-444","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=444"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/444\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=444"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=444"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=444"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}