{"id":434,"date":"2007-11-15T10:41:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-15T10:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stallioncornell.wordpress.com\/2007\/11\/15\/government-funded-cheese"},"modified":"2007-11-15T10:41:00","modified_gmt":"2007-11-15T10:41:00","slug":"government-funded-cheese","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/government-funded-cheese\/","title":{"rendered":"Government Funded Cheese"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s 5:30 in the morning DC time – 3:30 by my internal Utah clock – and I’m off to catch a plane. I had a great time yesterday figuring out how to spend your money. I’ll tell you all about it when I get back to the West. In the meantime, enjoy and\/or suffer through another excerpt from An Evening with Stallion Cornell. <\/em>
<\/em>
______________________<\/em>
<\/em>
From Act VIII of <\/em>Cumquats on the Water<\/p>\n

WOMAN<\/p>\n

(A strange fellow is playing the guitar in the corner<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

Play on, minstrel! Oh, play on!<\/p>\n

Play the tunes of a days gone by, when the men were free and the boys loved … loved…
Oh, dammit, minstrel, the boys never loved me! Never! Sure, if I paid them, they’d wash my car – but I could wash it myself! Yes, yes, I know — I never did!<\/p>\n

Oh, my filthy, filthy car! It reminds me of those precious moments strumming the guitar with minstrels of all ethnic persuasions – minstrels who would wander the streets of Paris like ducks in a tree. Minstrels who would offer me a guitar – a silver guitar -a golden lute — in exchange for my IMMORTAL SOUL!! Think of it -hellfire awaits if I but pluck a single golden string. Well, I ain’t that plucky! But if I had to – I would, now. Just for a moment of music to soothe my buttocks one more time – if only – if only – Minstrel, what guitar playeth thou? Hey minstrel – that’s MY GUITAR! My guitar of gold! Give it to me! (She waits for him to hand over the guitar. He doesn’t.) My guitar, my good minstrel! (Still no response.) Am I damned forever for the minstrel’s gold that shall never touch my soul? Truly Beelzebub waits with shiny teeth to rip my spirit raw! Is there no joy in Mudville?<\/p>\n

(She begins to sob uncontrollably. The minstrel stops playing, walks over, and silently hands her a harmonica.)<\/em> What is this? Pray, dear muses above, what measly crumbs do you throw me to appease my anguish? (She blows a few notes, and starts to smile<\/em>.) This is the music – MY music! Now I know why fate has left my car so dirty!<\/p>\n

MINSTREL
Yes, my dear, but the price for your pretty little tune is your pretty little soul.<\/p>\n

WOMAN
I knew that. Somehow (trying her best not to sob)<\/em> I always knew.<\/p>\n

(She collapses and melts as the minstrel explodes<\/em>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"It's5:30 in the morning DC time - 3:30 by my internal Utah clock - and I'm off to catch a plane. I had a great time yesterday figuring out how to spend your money. I'll tell you all about it when I get back to the West. In the meantime, enjoy and\/or suffer through another ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-434","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=434"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}