So a couple with two young children is about to go out for the evening, and they call a babysitter service. Since they called with short notice, they only have two potential sitters to choose from. The service sends over a short description of each that outlines their plusses and minuses.<\/p>\n
“So who have we got?” Dad asks.<\/p>\n
“Hmmm,” Mom says. “The first one is a guy named Jeffrey Dahmer.”<\/p>\n
“Okay, is he any good?” Dad asks.<\/p>\n
“Well, there are problems,” Mom says. “Says here that he’s killed seventeen people.”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah,” Mom says, nodding. “Plus he dismembered them and ate them. Pretty gross, actually.”<\/p>\n
“Don’t tell me you’re even considering him.”<\/p>\n
“Well,” Mom says, “the other choice is Jerry Sandusky.”<\/p>\n
“Who?”<\/p>\n
“He’s the former assistant Penn State football coach who was convicted of 52 counts of child molestation.”<\/p>\n
“A football coach!” Dad says. “Cool! Wasn’t he a good<\/em> football coach?”<\/p>\n “Well, yes,” Mom says, “but -”<\/p>\n “That shows he’s competent,” Dad says. “Certainly more competent than that Dahmer guy. What, has he ever even held a job? Sandusky was very well-respected. He won awards and everything.”<\/p>\n “He’s a serial pedophile.”<\/p>\n “Well, yeah, but if you set that aside for a moment…”<\/p>\n Mom gasps. “Set that aside<\/em>?!”<\/p>\n “Well,” Dad says, “wouldn’t you agree that he’d be better than Jeffrey Dahmer?”<\/p>\n “Sandusky molests children! We can’t leave our kids alone with him!”<\/p>\n “Well, molesting children is bad, but isn’t killing them and eating them worse<\/em>?”<\/p>\n Mom can’t believe what she’s hearing. “Neither one of them is acceptable,” she insists.<\/p>\n “But for the sake of argument,” Dad says, “wouldn’t you agree that you’d rather have our children molested than murdered?”<\/p>\n “What? How am I supposed to answer that?”<\/p>\n “I’m not saying having our kids molested is good<\/em>,” Dad says. “I’m just saying it’s better than the alternative. I, for one, would rather keep my kids alive, thank you very much.”<\/p>\n “I, for one, would rather make sure my kids are neither murdered nor molested. I’m calling a different sitter.”<\/p>\n “What?” Dad says, shocked. “You can’t call a different sitter. This is the service we always use!”<\/p>\n “But neither of these choices is acceptable!”<\/p>\n “Well, one is clearly more acceptable than the other.”<\/p>\n “No. Both<\/em> are unacceptable.”<\/p>\n “So you think pedophilia is as bad as cannibalism<\/em>?” Dad asks, his voice rising. “Is that it? Are you really saying that?”<\/p>\n “I’m saying that the comparison itself is ludicrous,” Mom says. “Both pedophilia and cannibalism are so awful that neither can ever be considered as viable options.”<\/p>\n “These are the choices,” Dad said. “And I, for one, want my kids alive when we come home.”<\/p>\n “I do, too, but..”<\/p>\n “And look here!” Dad says as he checks his email inbox. “The service just sent us a new Mp3. It’s a secret recording of Dahmer where he talks about how much he likes to eat people. He even uses a bad word!”<\/p>\n “So?” Mom asks.<\/p>\n “So<\/em>? Doesn’t this change your mind? Doesn’t this mean we have<\/em> to pick Sandusky?”<\/p>\n “Is there any information in there that you didn’t already have?” Mom asks.<\/p>\n “What?”<\/p>\n “You already know he’s a cannibal. How does hearing him talk about cannibalism make him even worse?”<\/p>\n “I knew it,” Dad says. “You’re a closet cannibal lover.”<\/p>\n Suddenly, the ground opens up and swallows everyone whole.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The end.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Soa couple with two young children is about to go out for the evening, and they call a babysitter service. Since they called with short notice, they only have two potential sitters to choose from. The service sends over a short description of each that outlines their plusses and minuses.\"So who have we got?\" Dad asks.\"Hmmm,\" Mom says. ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4055","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4055","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4055"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4055\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4058,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4055\/revisions\/4058"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4055"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4055"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4055"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}