Languatron was a lone wolf. That is to say, some people agreed with some of the points he made, but nobody interacted with him on a personal basis. He didn\u2019t seem to have any recognizably human characteristics \u2013 it was all business with him all the time, and his business was complaining about what was happening to Battlestar Galactica. <\/p>\n
Pretty soon, his complaints got more specific \u2013 and far, far nastier. The reason Battlestar Galactica was not being revived, it seems, is because the evil executives at Universal Studios were engaged in a massive, worldwide conspiracy to keep the show canceled. <\/p>\n
Now, given the fact that the show was canceled over three decades ago, I\u2019m betting that keeping it canceled required minimal effort. Nobody, for instance, has ever been engaged in a conspiracy to keep The Misadventures of Sheriff Lobo off the air, as far as I can tell. \u201cBattlestar Galactica Remains Canceled\u201d is about as shocking a headline as Chevy Chase\u2019s Saturday Night Live one-liner: \u201cOur top story tonight: Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead!\u201d<\/p>\n
But, nevertheless, our friend Languatron was convinced there were evil doin\u2019s afoot, and he was holding everyone\u2019s feet to the fire \u2013 especially the Universal Studios executives themselves. And if they got too close to the flame and burned up, well, all the better. Pretty soon, it wasn\u2019t just DVD problems that had Langy all hot and bothered \u2013 it was the fact that Universal Studios was defying divine justice. <\/p>\n
They aren’t fooling me. I know there is
\n \ta Corporate Mission Statement emanating
\n \tfrom Universal Studios Management, which
\n \tfiltered down to Sci-Fi Channel, to
\n \tdestroy Battlestar Galactica once and
\n \tfor all.<\/p>\n\tSo help me God. If Universal Studios and
\n \tSci-Fi Channel harms the Battlestar Galactica
\n \tseries in any way, I will pray to God, and
\n \twon’t stop praying to God, until God punishes
\n \teach and every executive responsible for
\n \tharming this series. And if these executives
\n \tthink that they are beyond Gods Dominion,
\n \tthey had better think again. Because these
\n \texecutives will suffer Gods wrath at some
\n \tpoint, in their pathetic little lives.
\n \tDestroying Battlesar Galacticas original
\n \tformat and characters will harm the public.
\n \tThank goodness God is Infinite enough to
\nsee it happen, so he can devise the appropriate punishment for each executive responsible for it. <\/p>\n– Languatron, \u201cGod and Studio Politics Don\u2019t Mix,\u201d www.scifi.com, 2\/7\/2001\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Batten down the hatches \u2013 we\u2019re in full-scale loon mode now. <\/p>\n
Let\u2019s step back briefly from the rather disturbing content we\u2019ve found here and take a moment to note some of the tell-tale marks of Lang\u2019s unique style. (Trust me, this will come in handy later.) <\/p>\n
First of all, the tight margins are not a formatting choice for this blog \u2013 they were present in the original messages. That made Languatron\u2019s posts visually distinctive from everything else published on the SciFi.com Board. In addition, you notice here that Languatron doesn\u2019t use an apostrophe S when he describes \u201cBattlesar Galacticas original format.\u201d His lack of a \u201cT\u201d in \u201cBattlestar\u201d is simply a typo, and a casual observer could, in good faith, believe that his lack of an apostrophe S is a typo, too. But battle-hardened Lang veterans know better. (More on that as we go along.)<\/p>\n
There. I think we now have a sufficient buffer zone between Langy\u2019s apocalyptic fervor so that we can dispassionately discuss what he actually said. There\u2019s no question it\u2019s kind of scary, and Languatron used the religious motif for a number of his screeds. One post was written entirely as an online prayer for God to strike down the unholy Bonnie Hammer, the CEO of the Sci-Fi Channel. Seems like a rather harsh consequence to me, although one is left to wonder what the heaven-sent \u201cappropriate punishment\u201d would be for executives torturing a defunct TV show. <\/p>\n
Indeed, Languatron\u2019s specific theology is often hard to pin down. For a brief moment, some of his posts cited doctrine from the Christian Science movement, as Languatron posited that perhaps the characters destroyed in the Cylon attack on the Twelve Colonies of Man still lived in the Divine Mind. It was a very powerful argument in favor of an afterlife for fictional people. Or, if not powerful, it was, at least, very, very angry, which is as close to powerful as Languatron tends to get.<\/p>\n
For the most part, the Church of Languatron involved lots of smiting. Serious, serious smiting. God will smite those who defy His television show and throw them into a lake of fire and brimstone, and Languatron will be there to roast marshmallows. <\/p>\n
Weirdness on this scale is hard to ignore, and soon Languatron found himself in arguments with people who, while Battlestar Galactica fans themselves, were more than a little uncomfortable with having Languatron as their spokesman. <\/p>\n
So now we add a new character to our story: a fellow who went by the name of Neuromancer. <\/p>\n
Neuromancer, it seems, agreed with me, in that he didn\u2019t think Richard Hatch\u2019s ideas for a Galactica revival were any good. Unlike me, he didn\u2019t retreat when he got flamed by the Hatch supporters, and he was completely unafraid of confronting Languatron head on. <\/p>\n
That led to this little gem:<\/p>\n
The Devils Horns continue to sprout from
\nthe skulls of Universal Studios Executives,
\nand their defenders.<\/p>\nNeuromancer is not a Galactica fan. If he
\nwas, he wouldn’t be attacking Richard
\nHatch’s blueprint for original format
\nrestoration. Neuromancers real purpose
\nin Galactica fandom, is to assist Universal
\nStudios in their procrastination of not
\ngiving Galactica fans what they want.<\/p>\nIf you’ll notice, the ONLY TIME Neuromancer
\nappears, is when Universal Studios Executives
\nare being attacked. Neuromancer doesn’t
\neven care if he is attacked personally.
\nBut oh boy!!! As soon as I start jumping
\non Universal Studios Executives, and the
\ncompany itself, out jumps Neuromancer in
\nhis Halloween mask, and tin foil sword,
\never ready to defend Universal and its
\nexecutives like a White Knight with Post
\nNasal Drip.<\/p>\nIn the entire time Neuromancer has home
\ninvaded our B-Boards, he has done nothing
\nbut criticize and condemn Galactica and
\nRichard Hatch, whenever Universal Studios
\nExecutives were attacked. That is just too
\nmuch of a coincidence, which serves to
\nprove Neuromancers affiliation with
\nUniversal Studios and Glen Larson.<\/p>\n–\tLanguatron, \u201cNeuromancer Won’t Attack Sci-Fi Channel?\u201d www.scifi.com, 2\/12\/2001<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
There\u2019s much about Languatron that is difficult to understand. (Case in point: what\u2019s the significance of a white knight with post nasal drip?) But at the top of the list of Langy conundrums is his obsessive hatred for Glen Larson. <\/p>\n
If you watched television in the late 20th Century, odds are the name Glen A. Larson appeared on your screen more than a few times. Mr. Larson was the very prolific television producer who created shows like The Six Million Dollar Man, Knight Rider, Magnum P.I., and, of course, Battlestar Galactica. One would think that our friend Languatron would show a little gratitude to the man who fashioned the object of his obsession. But for Langy, the creation was to be revered, but the creator was to be reviled. In fact, Languatron was convinced that Glen A. Larson wasn\u2019t the creator at all \u2013 he ostensibly stole the idea for Galactica and was now part of the grand design to keep Galactica buried. <\/p>\n
Consistent with the theme of good vs. evil, there were only two sides in this battle: Languatron and everybody else. Both sides were monolithic; it was impossible that two people could independently conclude that Languatron was off his rocker; all those who opposed him were obviously in collusion. So Neuromancer wasn\u2019t just someone who disagreed, he was \u201caffiliated\u201d with Universal and Glen Larson. <\/p>\n
During this time, I remained unaffiliated. But after reading more than my fair share of this stuff, I couldn\u2019t resist jumping into the fray. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Languatronwas a lone wolf. That is to say, some people agreed with some of the points he made, but nobody interacted with him on a personal basis. He didn\u2019t seem to have any recognizably human characteristics \u2013 it was all business with him all the time, and his business was complaining about what was happening ... Read more<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1282"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5034,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1282\/revisions\/5034"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stallioncornell.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}