Languatron: Potential Terrorist?

Well, it turns out Languatron DIDN’T know my real name and DIDN’T know where I lived. As usual, he was full of crap. But the very thought that perhaps he could have known severely unsettled me. These stupid rants were something I snuck into the corners of my busy days, and I had no intention of letting any of it spill over into real life. I had no idea just how far Lang was willing to go with his nutty vendetta. I must say, I saw him as a scary, scary, dude by this point – especially post 9/11.

Why especially post 9/11? Well, 9/11 changed everything – except for Lang. Or maybe especially Lang.

No one wants to see the new Galactica production. No one is
looking forward to the new Galactica production. …
This new production might as well be considered
a “terrorist act” on Battlestar Galactica.

Galactica needs to be seperated from the “political womb”
of Hollywood once and for all via a “bloody abortion”
once and for all.

– Languatron, “Time For Bryan Singer To Close Up Shop,” 10/10/2001

Yes, keep in mind that less than a month after the deadliest terrorist attacks in the history of the world, Languatron was comparing the proposed new production of Battlestar Galactica to a terrorist act. (That’s disturbing enough without the “bloody abortion” metaphor.) In fact, the day after 9/11, Langy was on the boards complaining that Bryan Singer’s secretive pre-production on his Galactica revival had “more stealth than terrorists.” The day after! My goodness, when Glenn Beck started his paranoid 9/12 project, maybe Langy is what he had in mind.

Langy was chastised by all for daring to invoke the 9/11 attacks in his prose, but he was undeterred. On October 16, 2001, Langy even likened himself to a terrorist on Galactica’s behalf, boasting that “a guy can browse through a few books and magazines, get on a B-Board, turn the information he reads into a weapon, and bring down a corporation like the Twin Towers in New York!!”

How would you like it if a guy like that knew where you lived?

Surprisingly, mockery of Lang during this period got much sillier, and my fellow Lang mocker RGrant got in on the whole “attack Lang under an assumed name” thing. Pretty soon, Languatron was using clone handles to fight back, and some of them were pretty amusing. For instance, he created a handle called “Neuromancer2” where “Neuro” would berate himself for being such an imbecile. Another clever Lang handle was “Neuro_Cornell,” who liked to pepper his language with goofy Western clichés. Lang insisted that he was not behind these sock puppets, but every post from these doppelgangers had the same ridiculously tight margins, the same fear of the apostrophe S, the same contempt for grammar conventions, and the joyless rage that was the hallmark of everything Lang wrote. Lang couldn’t hide his tracks even if he wanted to.

Witness, for instance, this post from “Neuromanzrs_Obgyn:”

The Cast

Neuromanzr…….Kevin Arnold
Ob-Gyn/Dr. Mark Twain……….Hal Holbrook
Dr. Twains personal nurse……Yasmine Bleeth

Nurse: “Dr. Twain, we have an emergency!”

(Neuromanzr is wheeled in on a gurney, nine months pregnant.)

Dr. Twain: “He’s fully dialated!”

Nurse: “He’s also fully delusional! Thinks we aren’t on to his “Anti-Galactica Activities!”

(Suddenly there’s the screaming of a newborn infant.)

Neuromanzr: “What is it, Doctor, a boy or a girl?”

Dr. Twain: “Neither! It’s a tiny Universal executive, and look!, he’s already crapping all over this Battlestar Galactica fan. And soon he’ll be doing it on all the others too!!”

Neuromanzrs_Obgyn, “The Birth,” 7/25/2002

Neuro commented to tell Lang that we didn’t want to hear about his feces fantasies, only to have Lang respond under the guise of “Neuromanzrs_Proctologist” to counter with this gem: “mama says that Neuromanzr is a turd.”

Lang is nothing if not witty. And he’s not witty. So you do the math.

[Editor’s note. I just realized I’ve been referring to Neuromanzr as “Neuromancer.” The Z version is correct, and I apologize for the earlier errors. Carry on.]

By this time, too, something exciting/terrifying had happened in Galactica fandom. Singer’s revival had died, and like a phoenix from the ashes, former Star Trek scribe Ron Moore had taken over the helming duties of a revived Galactica, promising, rather than a continuation of the original series, a completely reimagined version with a new cast.

How did Langy take the news?

How do you think?

Take a hike, Ronny Baby!!! Is that plain enough
English for you? I for one am not going to grant
you a civilized reply, because quite frankly, you

Le me be the first to say that I am fed up to
the “Orbit Of Jupiter” with the
VIVENDI-UNIVERSAL, and every other
“WALKING AIDS VIRUS” that comes into
contact with Battlestar Galactica?

PAWS off of my Battlestar Galactica show!!!
This is my show, because I’m a CONSUMER!!!
This show also belongs to all of the other
CONSUMERS on this board, and consumers
ALL OVER THE WORLD who care about this

Go away, Ronald D. Moore. If you need a career
boost, ask your daddy-(Rick Berman) to cast you
as a “Borg Drone” in the next Trek movie. The
characters LACK OF PERSONALITY should
match you PERFECTLY!!!

– Languatron, “Moore Control,” 9/05/2002

The AIDS reference was just a hint of the homophobia, religious hatred, and ethnic slurs that would become increasingly important to Lang in the years to come.

There’s Moore on Monday…

The Baltar5 Bloodbath
A quick non-Lang tangent - check out my OTHER blog!

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