Why is there snow on the ground this year on March 24? Why? Dear Thor, why?!!
I just spent two hours folding clothes. We have a dishwasher, why not a clothesfolder?
Why does Barack Obama keep promising to do very, very scary things? Why does America want him to do these things? Why do I want to run and hide every time he opens his mouth?
Why can’t I eat whatever I want with no waistlinic or gastric consequences?
Why do people email me or call me on weekends?
Why does my cat wait until I’ve just fallen asleep before meowing very, very loudly in my ear? Why does he insist on going outside when there’s snow, and then meow loudly until I let him back in, only to meow to go back out? Why is this cat still alive?
Why hasn’t JK Rowling broken down and started writing a new novel that takes place in the Harry Potter Universe when you know, sooner or later, that’s she’s going to do exactly that?
Why does Languatron still think I’m Glen A. Larson?
Why do I not have a Green Lantern-style power ring that can mine the mountains of Utah for a rare gem that will make me a gazillionaire?
Why does Glenn Beck keep pushing a 30-year-old John Birch Society book up to the top of the Amazon bestseller lists? Why does anyone listen to the John Birch Society? Why do people feel compelled to believe that the Federal Reserve is secretly run by six gnomes that live in the caves of Mt. Baden Powell?
Why haven’t the Boy Scouts of America been targeted as a terrorist organization?
Why do I keep getting older without any warning?
Why do things cost money, forcing me to actually earn money to pay for them?
Why must floors always be swept and dishes always be done?
Why do mornings always arrive earlier than the sun does?
Why am I not asleep?
The end. Good night. (That answers the last one. Sort of.)