Why I Suck

So it seems my sister, who lives on the West Coast, read this blog just moments before tuning into the big Idol finale, and despite my spoiler warning at the top, she couldn’t avoid seeing the lone “I can’t believe David Cook won” sentence sitting there all by itself.

She was less than pleased.

Within moments, I received a text message that said, succinctly, “You suck!” On Facebook, she threw a bowling ball, a fireball, and three wrenches at me, changed her status to “I think my brother sucks,” and then gave me a can of “whoop a-s.” She also posted the following on our private family blog, which I will reproduce with only minor edits:

STALLION POSTED THE AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS ON HIS MOIST BLOG BEFORE I WATCHED IT CALIFORNIA TIME. I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW HOW MUCH HE SUCKS! THE SUCKAGE IS MASSIVE AND IT MUST BE EXCLAIMED FROM THE ROOFTOPS THAT STALLION SUCKS! YOU COULDN’T WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT DAY???!!!!!!????? YOU ARE MY BROTHER AND I LOVE YOU DEARLY, BUT THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE THE SUCKY SUCKY SUCKY THING YOU DID!

YOU SUCK!

(I responded with an insouciant “I’m not sure how you feel about this.”)

I also called her last night, and while she was considerably upset, I think the long-term damage to our sibling relationship is negligible. Although she has made it quite clear that I do, in fact, suck.

I apologize publicly to my sister, who did not deserve to have the Idol moment spoiled for her, and I accept my well-earned suckage.

Yes, I suck.

Still, she was not the only family member disappointed by the results.

My twin boys, Corbin and Cornelius, are only seven years old and aren’t all that interested in American Idol, but they got caught up in the hometown fervor in support of Archuleta. (Murray, Utah, David A.’s hometown, is right next door to where I live – maybe about two or three miles away.) They went to bed at just after 8:00, right after I’d found the results online and written last night’s blog entry. My two daughters were watching the show and didn’t want to know the outcome, but the boys begged to learn who had won before they went to bed.

“David Cook won,” I told Corbin.

“You mean David Archuleta,” Corbin corrected me.

I shook my head. “No, David Cook.”

“David Archuleta,” he insisted, trying to bend the world to conform to his will.

“Sorry, no. David Cook.”

There was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth after that. In his bedtime prayers, Cornelius even asked his Heavenly Father to “bless David Archuleta to win American Idol.” I don’t want to damage the kid’s faith, but it’s a little misguided to ask God to change the results after the fact.

The girls took the news a little easier, but Chloe did ask, in her prayers, that “David Archuleta won’t be sad.” Sorry, but that’s not going to work, either. Of course he’s going to feel lousy. It sucks to lose. But this, too, shall pass. Archuleta has a bright, exciting career ahead of him. And Mrs. Cornell pointed out that Cook, at age 25, probably needed this a lot more than Archuleta did. She also think Cook is pretty sexy, even though I’ve pointed out that he’s probably going to be bald by the end of the decade.

As for me, with a night to think about it, I’m still okay with it. This isn’t the travesty of justice that knocked Melinda Doolittle out before the Season 6 finals. Cook is talented, gracious, and an appropriate winner. All is right with the world.

I still suck, though.

Wow. (American Idol Spoilers)
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