The Natural Man Blues

Well, I wake up in the morning and I start to sin
Seven o’clock’s about the time I begin
I think of pouring some coffee, maybe downin’ some tea
Ain’t no hot drink that’s off limits to me

They say a natural man’s
An enemy to God
That’s sure one slippery iron rod

I can peaches on the Sabbath, it’s a thing that I do
I go to church every Sunday when I’m wearin’ no shoes
I feed pigeons with bread left on the sacrament tray
I don’t use middle initials when I name the GAs

Oh, I’m a natural man
You know what that means
I watch General Conference in my T-shirt and jeans

All my button-down shirts are every color but white
I might applaud in a chapel when there’s somethin’ alright
My special musical number uses trumpets and drums
I have eight CTR rings on both of my thumbs

Well, I never reached Eagle – Second Class to this day
And I’ve never once chuckled at ol’ John Bytheway
I don’t bring refreshments; I don’t put away chairs
I sing the wrong hymn until the chorister swears

‘Cause I’m a natural man
Resigned to my fate
I’m Bruce R. McConkie’s Deadly Heresy Eight

[Insert self-indulgent heavy metal guitar solo here]

I’m still in my PJs at each P.E.C.
I ingest Diet Coke intravee-nee-ously
I’m the reason the red punch has all disappeared
Got a brand new beard card but won’t grow a beard

‘Cause I’m a natural man…
[Guitar Solo]
Oh, I’m a natural man…
[Odd bass solo]
Natural, natural, natural…

Thank you very much.

What It Means
Of Skittles and Media Stupidity

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