The Languatron Party

I have a political metaphor for you today that involves our old pal Languatron, but it occurs to me that some of you Johnny-Come-Latelys to this blog may not even know who Languatron is.

Oh, how I envy you.

To educate yourself about the Internet’s most prolific and brain-dead troll, you can peruse my own Languatron Chronicles, which begin here. To summarize for those of you too lazy to read the unexpurgated version, Languatron was a supposedly ardent fan of the original Battlestar Galactica, but his over-the-top lunacy alienated him from those who would otherwise support his position. He lashed out at everyone who didn’t agree with his every word, labeling them corporate spies on the payroll of Universal Studios. (He also hated gays, Jews, Mormons, and “Mormon Jews,” whoever they are.) The net result was that he made his allies look like idiots, which ended up damaging the case he was supposedly trying to advance.

I thought of this as our old pal Moisture Farmer, who is quite a skilled Languatron opponent in his own right, wrote some comments to my last post that referenced RINOs – Republicans In Name Only – and took me to task for my distaste for the Tea Party. I have apparently begun a “fundamental transformation into one of the collectivist pod people” because I’m “attempting to ingratiate” myself to a “clique of shallow mental adolescents.”

He ends by saying “Snap out of it. We need you.”

To which I replied, “Well, if you need me, then it might be nice to stop insulting me.”

I’d like to expand on that premise, if I may.

The demonization of one’s ideological opponents is the modus operandi of both parties, but the hard truth is that one party needs converts, and the other party doesn’t. Democrats begin every presidential election with at least 246 out of 270 electoral votes in the bag, and Republicans have to run the table of everything else. The fact that the Dems demonize Republicans just as viciously as the GOP demonizes them back is of no practical value.

Democrats can afford alienate those outside their party. Republicans can’t.

One of my primary problems with Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, Sarah Palin, and the uncompromising, perpetually aggrieved self-righteous patriots who would prefer reading the Constitution to the nation’s problems to actually solving them is that there is nothing they are doing that would attract new converts to the fold. They are nasty, condescending, and arrogant beyond measure. They ridicule not only Democrats but Republicans – i.e. RINOs – under the assumption that those who disagree with them are “pod people” and “shallow mental adolescents,” not decent people who happen to disagree on matters of policy. Public Enemy #2 for the Tea Party – Obama is #1 – is “Establishment” Republican Senator Thad Cochran, who beat a Tea Party primary challenger because he had the gall to reach out to black voters that the Tea Party deem illegitimate.

Not a winning strategy, folks. If the Tea Party are going to continue to savage the Republican Party alongside the Democrats, how are they ever going to get 270 electoral votes?

They won’t. They can’t. The Tea Party has become the Languatron Party, because they are an embarrassment to those who should be their allies. The GOP frontrunners right now – Cruz, Perry, and Paul – don’t even appeal to everyone in their own party. There’s no way on earth they’ll appeal to independents, let alone Democrats. They’re doomed to go down to a Barry Goldwater-style defeat. Goldwater, like the Tea Party, valued a narrow definition of ideological purity over electoral victory.

I say this dispassionately, as I have come to the conclusion that America is careening toward collapse, and it will get there within the next decade or two regardless of whether the person in the White House has an R or a D next to their name. (Spoiler: it will be a Democrat for the rest of my lifetime.) So I put my faith in God and my community, not in a nation that refuses to fix itself. I therefore feel no loyalty to either party, and as I fatalistically watch the Languatronization of the party that used to matter to me, I feel a mix of resignation and freedom, as I no longer feel duty bound to defend the GOP when it errs, which it does with increasing frequency.

Have a nice day.

Mitt won't run
Our Tribal Future

46 thoughts on “The Languatron Party”

  1. If Thad chochran is a “mainstream conservative,” then why did he adopt the left’s notorious race-baiting tactics?

    Orthodoxy. Another word misused for rhetorical impact. Knock it off.

  2. Ahh. That’s somewhat unsurprising given that Pew is considered leftist. Use of the word “disproportionate” kind of gives it away.

    The CBS link shows 61% of the Tea Party to be constituted of Protestants.

  3. To be honest, I don’t know. The matter has never come up. Which is why I’m skeptical about the whole evangelical aspect to begin with. Maybe is a regional thing.

  4. ….But, what has this to do with Mork, or the Cylons, or Alf and E.T. or the white dust on the mirror your parents left on the dining room table after the party? Or the Bicentennial, Johnny Rotten, Ronald Regan, Mark David Hinkley, tuh ninetees, Y2K, 9-11, the fall of America (and the rest of the free world via improper investing and Gordon Gekko’s annoying car insurance commercials), and world peas and the yams I am? …And, like, um, run-on sentences, too; my country for a Quaalude he once belted, long before the Final Cut.

    We all want to be heard, and like Ted’s Horton, and some of us can pontificate, in print on paper, as well as on glowing pixels, but when the Towers fall, and our Icons are reduced to images in Windows, one needs to wonder, as Candy said, before all of this, “I don’t understand! What does it all mean?”

    RIP, Robin (and Ronny, John, George, Syd and Sid, Jesus, US, and everyone else who once mattered, and who are now just random matter).

    Klaatu Barada Nanu Nanu.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *