Remember how only rich guys were the only ones going to get their taxes raised? It’s a really good thing that only rich people use energy, then, because now the president is planning to inflict a massive carbon tax on energy producers to “help close the deficit.”

Yes, in the midst of cripplingly chronic unemployment, our brave president has decided that a hefty new regressive tax which will be passed on in the form of higher rates to people who use energy, which certainly wouldn’t include any poor or middle class people, is the key to cutting our trillion dollar plus deficits down to size. Why, according to the article, this tax could raise $154 billion by 2021, which would slash the deficit by an average of a staggering .014% per year in the meantime!

Such paltry savings will surely be worth the very real human misery they will inflict, especially considering the completely non-existent effect such a tax will have on global temperatures. I mean, a symbolic gesture that accomplishes nothing is worth $154 billion wasted dollars, right? What would those poor and middle-class people do with all that money if the government weren’t yanking it out of their hands? Probably just throw it away on food or clothing or some other plebeian nonsense.

The bottom line, of course, is that our four year economic nightmare was all set in motion by George W. Bush, and Obama has simply been an innocent bystander. His new taxes on the poor and middle class have nothing to do with our economic conditions, and his refusal to address our mounting debt has been extraordinarily helpful in the fight to bring prosperity to all. Shrinking the incomes only of people who use some form of transportation or heat their homes in the winter will somehow spur increased economic activity, even though such a thing has never, ever done so in the history of humankind.

It’s morning in America, people! (The morning after, that is.)