That bit of unconventional wisdom is the only thing that makes sense after a horrendous New Hampshire Primary.

There was no earthly way Hillary could have won tonight. And she won. I don’t even get my schadenfreude. And I’ve got to keep myself from throwing something every time I hear that harridan screech like a banshee.

McCain is the new standard bearer for the Republican Party, because New Hampshire-ites ignored the fact that he’s not a Republican. And the minimal size of his victory probably means no real bounce going forward. Or not. Who the hell knows? Somebody has to win the Republican nomination. Right now, Mitt has the most delegates, and nobody cares. Huckabee, the Great Christian Hope, came in a distant third, essentially erasing the Iowa momentum he never really had to begin with.

Fred Thompson, the only other conservative in the race, was crushed like a bug with only 1% of the vote. Dennis Freakin’ Kucinich got more votes than Fred Thompson.

I refuse to predict what happens going forward. I’ve gone over several scenarios, and each is as unlikely as the next. Nobody – and I mean NOBODY – anticipated what happened today. Nobody knows anything. In my mind, this is to primaries what Florida 2000 was to the General Election. We’re in uncharted waters. Here there be monsters. And they look like John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Mike Huckabee.

Just for tonight, I wish I weren’t a Mormon, because now would be a good time to get really, really drunk.