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Schlomo the Christmas Whale

Schlomo

Christmas comes to everyone
In homes or holes or caves
And sometimes Christmas even comes
To those beneath the waves…

……

Gather ‘round, children – come hear from a fool
A truly remarkable tale
of the Jewish leviathan saving the yule
Meet Schlomo, the Christmas whale

CHORUS:
Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, from heaven above
We know that below where we sail
Was Schlomo, Dear Schlomo, wet mammal of love
Schlomo the Christmas Whale

Schlomo’s poor Hanukah never went right
He cried when the sharks and the squid
Would laugh as he tried his Menorah to light
Yet, tragically, it never did

Yet Schlomo’s Menorah brought magical joy
Even without any flame
It gave him the power to see a young boy
And Billy McGee was his name

Billy McGee had a dog named Annette
Annette was his one single friend
But Billy was starving and willing to bet
Their lives would undoubtedly end

CHORUS:
Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, we can’t get enough
Of your sweet inspirational tale
Schlomo, your blowhole exploding with love
Schlomo the Christmas Whale

At Christmas, poor Billy just wanted to sing
But collapsed on his way to the choir
Schlomo was watching and saw the whole thing
On his candles without any fire

With Billy unconscious, there wasn’t much time
Schlomo would have to act fast
He beached himself willingly up in the slime
An act that he knew was his last

CHORUS:
Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, your life that you gave
Your legend will never grow stale
And nor will your carcass, nutritious and brave
Oh, Schlomo the Christmas Whale

Annette staggered by and she took a big bite
Out of Schlomo – you might think it rude
But Schlomo’s pure sacrifice made it all right
By offering his body as food

To church Annette dragged her sick master along
Where Billy awoke and he crooned
And everyone cried at his beautiful song
Even Muslims all wept at his tune

One Muslim was Achmed, an angry young man
Who came to spread panic and fear
But Billy’s pure warbling altered his plan
And led him to shed a lone tear

The tear trickled down Achmed’s care-stricken face
And into explosives it dripped
It shorted out triggers that he’d had in place
To blow up the chapel when tripped

That Christmas when many were saved, it was true
When death and destruction would fail
And all from the love of an undersea Jew
Dear Schlomo, the Christmas whale

Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, from heaven above
We know that below where we sail
Was Schlomo, Dear Schlomo, wet mammal of love
Schlomo the Christmas Whale

Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, your life that you gave
Your legend will never grow stale
And nor will your carcass, nutritious and brave
Oh, Schlomo the Christmas Whale

Schlomo, Oh Schlomo, we can’t get enough
Of your sweet inspirational tale
Schlomo, your blowhole exploding with love
Schlomo the Christmas Whale

 

Merry Christmas!

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