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Anaujiram Ekoms ot Trats

Is there anyone else who remembers Lynn Bryson? I sure hope not.

When I was a missionary in Scotland, one of my companions had a copy of a tape titled “Rock and Roll and the Occult,” wherein Mr. Bryson, a supposed “music industry insider,” exposed the fact that the record industry was run by demons who were slathering for your immortal soul. In the age of the Internet, you’d think this piece of dung would be online somewhere, but I can’t seem to find it. Perhaps I’m doing more damage to the world by reminding it that this hooey ever existed, but I’d hate for it to be flushed down the memory hole completely without letting it leave few skidmarks on the people who read this blog.

For those of you who missed it, Bryson claimed that Jefferson Airplane encouraged people to leave their bodies in order to contact demons during concerts, that John Lennon literally sold his soul to a devil who came to collect by means of Mark David Chapman’s gun, that “Hey Jude” is an ode to heroin, and, of course, that a plethora of artists encourage Satanism, drug use, and general debauchery by means of “backward masking.”

Take Queen’s famous anthem “Another One Bites the Dust.”

You play it as recorded, and you can clearly hear Freddie Mercury sing the title lyric. But if you play it backwards, he can allegedly be heard encouraging impressionable kids to “start to smoke marijuana.” At least, that’s what Lynn Bryson hears. Others have listened to it and decided that he’s saying “It’s fun to smoke marijuana.” In my estimation, he’s saying “Hash is smog on the water,” which is a clear warning against imbibing hashish while boating.

Decide for yourself:

Wow! And look! President Obama was saying “Thank You, Satan!” backwards every time he said “Yes, We Can!”

And we all knew that Dora the Explorer was really saying “Hail, Satan,” “Keep your sweater up,” and “Hail Shambooh for Christmas.” (I’m thinking Shambooh is Satan’s ghost whale.)

Okay, fine. Personally, I think this is ludicrous nonsense, and that there are plenty of reasons to avoid Dora the Explorer, but this isn’t one of them. Most rock music can’t be understood when it’s sung forwards! Why should anyone be held accountable for what you imagine they’re saying when the recording is reversed? Am I that incapable of controlling my own destiny that Queen can get me hooked on reefer by means of incomprehensible reversed gibberish?


I vote we all be held accountable for everything we say, forward and backward.

So anyone who says “It’s rough, Rod – my wife’s sweet!” is secretly saying “You smell like barf farts.”

And if you happen to mutter “Moose! Gonna meow. I ain’t lyin’,” you’re actually asking, “May I eat your eye with a spoon?”

And yesterday, when you noticed “That seed’s not forgotten – a seedless grape,” what you really meant was, “Dance with me, Satan, on a puppy’s head.”

I eagerly await my record contract. And beware – Lynn Bryson won’t be there to save you when you’re dancing on Fido with the Prince of Darkness, eating an eyeball with a spoon whilst the fetid air reeks with the stench of barf farts.

Disturbing School Dreams
Et Tu, Xenu?

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  1. My goodness, I’d forgotten all about that tape!! And may be there are some things best left forgotten…..

    Now what happened to all my Afterglow tapes…?

  2. This sounds like the (real-life) lawsuit that was filed against the band Judas Priest, when one of their fans committed suicide… two teenage boys, at some point after listening to a Judas Priest album, decided to obtain a shotgun & do something unpleasant to themselves. One of the boys survived, and later testified that after the first boy was dead, he began to chant ‘do it, do it’ in his head to encourage himself to continue.

    Well, guess what? Turns out at some point in the Judas Priest record they had listened to, if you play it backwards you can hear something that sounds like ‘Do it, do it’ being sung.

    Wow… shocking proof of intent that Judas Priest wanted all their fans to off themselves. Wonder how they planned to keep selling records after that?

    What’s interesting was the band’s defense– they took the entire album, played it backwards… found examples of ANYTHING that sounded like words & then played the examples in court. They found reverse lyrics that sounded like “I asked for a peppermint” and “hey ma, that chair is broken”. Fortunately, the band managed to convince the judge it was all a lot of hooey. It’s sad for the boys…

    …but come on, really! Judas Priest has songs with titles like ‘Breaking the Law’, and ‘Screaming For Vengeance’. Shouldn’t we be paying more attention to what the words are, when you play a song CORRECTLY?

  3. I knew there was a reason I was hanging onto this wonderful piece of bituminous sediment (funny…after reading this post I have a strange desire to go out and do bad things…) I haven’t listened to them in ages (and really don’t care to again), but if you really want a copy, I’ve got it as an MP3 (about 60 MB). They can be downloaded here:

  4. I HAVE IT I HAVE IT a copy and have had it for years. NEED TO FIND IT I also have the one MUSIC APPLES OR ONIONS?

    what religion are you? Mission in Scotland?