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Bob Is Shoe

In December of 2002, two things happened. Languatron wrote a diatribe titled “Ron Moore: The Aids Virus Of Television,” and the SciFi.com Board got a moderator who wouldn’t allow Lang’s grotesque nonsense to be posted. Suddenly, Lang’s rants became taboo; his “Aids Virus” post was summarily removed, and Lang, in what would become a regular occurrence in his Internet life, was banned from ever posting there again.

Oh, he tried to sneak back on. He registered a handle named “Light_Ship” who tried to keep things within the appropriate boundaries, but Lang couldn’t resist going over the top. Pretty soon, he was gone for good.

Gone from SciFi.com, that is. But not gone entirely.

SciFi.com, it seemed, had no patience for the fact that most of us in the old guard weren’t particularly excited about Ron Moore’s remake ideas, and the new moderator wasn’t welcoming to our continued resistance to what would become the SciFi Channel’s new signature property. So most of us migrated from that board to another one at cylon.org – which, today, is defunct, but much of the material survives at a new location over at Tombs of Kobol.

Anyway, pretty soon, Lang showed up.

Many of us over there, including me, urged TwoBrainedCylon, the owner of Cylon.org, to ban Lang outright. He wouldn’t do it. But he gave us a wide berth to mock Lang as never before, which resulted in one of the funniest threads in Internet history, which I reproduce here, slightly expurgated to remove material irrelevant to the discussion.

I give you… Bob Is Shoe.

Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2003 6:51 pm by Languatron
Post subject: Daddy Rick Berman Left The Porch Light On

When Ron Moores ego is sufficiently deflated from the mini-series either not airing at all, or receiving unanimous bad reviews, Ronny boy will be riding the bus back home to DADDY Rick Berman really quick.

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larocque6689 wrote:

“When Ron Moores ego”

You know, there *is* something about those apostrophe S’s.
By the way, Langy, I’m fighting you on grammar because I am completely helpless dealing with the rest of your post…
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Languatron wrote:
My punctuation is correct. It looks like the Black Tower execs are so out of steam-(along with the Sci-Fi Channel B-Board), that they are now trying to correct punctuation that is correct in the first place.
larocque6689: “I’m packing my bags now. My Black Tower office will be vacated in five minutes.”
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larocque6689 wrote:
No it isn’t!
Its “Ron Moore’s Ego”, not “Ron Moores Ego”.
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Languatron wrote:
Wrongo!!
“Ron Moore’s ego” is an incorrect use of the apostrophe. The apostrophe indicates the omission of letters or figures, or the plural of letters or figures. With the apostrophe, what did you condense down?
“Ron Moore ‘is’ ego” (????)
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larocque6689 wrote:

There are cases where using an apostrophe is incorrect: If you are just referring to the decade the apostrophe use is incorrect (i.e.: In the 1980s break dancing was a popular form of choreography.) Where if you said something where you mentioned an event’s occurring in 1980 (i.e.: In 1980’s presidential election) that would contain a possesive and mandate the use of an apostrophe.

Since the ego belongs to Ron Moore, the use of the apostrphe S is possessive and therefore proper.

Ron Moore’s Ego can be decoded as follows: Ego belonging to Ron Moore.
All Hail Ron Moore, Savior of Battlestar Galactica. Its going to be a great miniseries! Leave the popcorn behind and join us!
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Languatron wrote:
You misspelled “apostrophe” for starters. My, how the mighty have fallen!!!
You didn’t answer my question. WHAT DID YOU CONDENSE DOWN with the apostrophe?
“Ron Moore ‘is’ ego.” (????) From a punctuation standpoint, that is incorrect.
Possessiveness is shown with the attachment of the affix “s”, without the apostrophe.
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JJRAKMAN wrote:
Actually I think Langy is right on this one.
That’s why we write “it’s” and a condensed form of “it is”
And we write “its” as a possessive term.
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Dawg wrote:
Nope, Laroque is correct with the definition of the use of the apostrophe.
It is actually used to indicate possessives and contractions – “its” is an exception to the rule.
In this case, “Moore’s Ego”, with apostrophe, is correct usage. Without it, it indicates plural Moores, and so the phrase makes no sense.
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larocque6689 wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “You didn’t answer my question. WHAT DID YOU CONDENSE DOWN with the apostrophe?”

Lang, I already answered that:
Ron Moore’s Ego = Ego belonging to Ron Moore.
Although I do like your statement that Ron Moore IS Ego. Perhaps you meant to say that Ron Moore is God?
The new miniseries – its great!
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RGrant wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “Possessiveness is shown with the attachment of the affix “s”, without the apostrophe.”

Is this some kind of sick joke? My theory was that he couldn’t write an apostrophe S due to some type of obsessive compulsive disorder.

Is it possible that a grown man doesn’t know what an apostrophe S is used for?

Am I to believe that the source of all our Galactica wisdom doesn’t know what a freakin’ apostrophe S is for?

Students learn what an apostrophe S is in freakin’ third grade!
Mind-boggling.
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RGrant wrote:

I’ve been walking around for ten minutes in a state of disbelief. How can a grown man not know what an apostrophe S is? I found this website, which might shed some light on this mysterious subject for Languatron.

http://www.myenglishteacher.net/whoseit.html

Here’s where it teaches little kids how to use an apostrophe S.
This is her book.
This is Joan’s book.
The word Joan’s has another meaning: it is a contraction for Joan is. For example,
Joan is a good girl.
Joan’s a good girl.
Therefore, ‘s can be used for possession or contractions.

My OCD theory gave him WAY too much credit. I thought he was just afraid to physically type out “Moore’s mini” or whatever. I didn’t think he was actually clueless to possibly the most basic element of written English — something that’s taught in the first year or two of school.

All this time I’ve been arguing with the dumbest person on the Internet. Literally the dumbest. And I actually expected him to send a money order to my address!

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RGrant wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “It looks like the Black Tower execs are so out of steam-(along with the Sci-Fi Channel B-Board), that they are now trying to correct punctuation that is correct in the first place.”

Second Grade English Lesson #2:
There is NO bizarre dash before the first parenthesis!
(this is how you use parentheses)
-(not like this)
It’s weird. You come up with some bizarre beliefs, but you stick to them with the devotion of a fanatic. Did you just invent that dash one day and make yourself believe it had something to do with real-world punctuation?
A person who wants other people to believe all sorts of weird conspiracy theories should at least take the time to learn basic punctuation. Why? Because the smarter you appear, the more seriously people will take your ideas (especially when they’re eccentric).
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RGrant wrote:
I hate to go on about this, but this has been an extremely disturbing post for me. I’ve been having flame wars with a person who all this time has thought that “Bob’s shoe” means “Bob is shoe.”
I’m flabbergasted.
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Languatron wrote:
The proper noun/morpheme “Moore” shows possessiveness with the attachment of the derivational suffix “s” without the apostrophe. Gee, I was right all along. The Universal execs can have their temper tantrums elsewhere.
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RGrant wrote:
What world do you live in?
What ARE you?
Have you ever read a book?
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Languatron wrote:
Gee, simple 5th grade Lexicology sure shut up RGrant. I guess that’s why he LOST ANOTHER ARGUMENT. In GRAMMAR no less!!
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HubCapDave wrote:
Lang, you have to use an apostrophe with an s to indicate a possesive, because adding an “s” to a word merely pluralizes it.
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RGrant wrote:
Explain this, Mr. Genius. Maybe it’s a conspiracy involving the Lilliputians?
[Here, RGRANT inserts an image of “Gulliver’s Travels.”]
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Languatron wrote:
The apostrophe indicates the condensation of two words into one. What two words were condensed into “Moore’s” with the apostrophe?
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RGrant wrote:
My G-d, man, an apostrophe S can be used to condense, as in “Moore’s an idiot” but also denotes possession, as in “This is Moore’s mini series.” The way you’re using it, you could write “The Moores are coming over for teas and crumpets.” But that’s it.
At least be glad you’re humiliating yourself online where no one can see your face.
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larocque6689 wrote:
Are you sure you don’t mean condensing? Condensation is another thing. A bit of water on the brain?
Its terrible, your continued assault on the language.
Final thought: Moore’s Ego! Moore’s Ego!
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Languatron wrote:
Universal executives: “Langy is attacking us again!! What can we do? What can we say? Lets demonstrate a lack of knowledge of Lexicology, grammar, and punctuation!! It won’t help Universal, but it will show Langy!! What it will show him, we don’t know!!”
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RGrant wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “Gee, simple 5th grade Lexicology sure shut up RGrant. I guess that’s why he LOST ANOTHER ARGUMENT. In GRAMMAR no less!!”

1. I didn’t shut up. I had just made a post five minutes before you posted this.
2. How can a person be familiar with the word “lexicology” yet not know Punctuation Rule #1 from Second Grade?
3. How could I lose an argument about something so g–damned simple as an apostrophe S?
4. You are a f–king retard.
5. I mean it. Retarded.
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larocque6689 wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “Universal executives: ‘Langy is attacking us again!! What can we do? What can we say? Lets demonstrate a lack of knowledge of Lexicology, grammar, and punctuation!!’”

Lang,
Don’t you find it remotely ironic, that after arguing again and again that the apostrophe S is meant to condense two words, that you are still leaving out the apostrophe S in “let’s”, which is a “condensating” of the words “let us”.
Its hilarious!
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Languatron wrote:
RGrant: “I’m having my ten-thousanth on-line temper tantrum at the Black Tower. I’m sorry if I won’t be at my desk for awhile.”
larocque6689: “What’s Lexicology?”
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RGrant wrote:
Quoting Languatron: “Universal executives: ‘Langy is attacking us again!! What can we do? What can we say? Lets demonstrate a lack of knowledge of Lexicology, grammar, and punctuation!! It won’t help Universal, but it will show Langy!! What it will show him, we don’t know!!’”

Well, if there was ever definitive proof that you’ve been playing a joke on us (and especially me) all these years, then this is it. I admit it. I thought you were just a loon all this time. Now, I see we’re just being played. I don’t understand the game, or the motivation, or what you’re getting from all this, but there’s no doubt in my mind anymore that you’re a sick person.
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Languatron wrote:
RGrant: “Is my car double parked at the Black Tower? I’ll go and check since I lost another argument with Langy.”
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JJRAKMAN wrote:
I thought earlier that you may have had a point Langy, but Dawg, RGrant, and Larocque I think pretty much proved their case. I think you lost this one.
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Languatron wrote:
JJRAKMAN: “If I can be of any more help, dial my Black Tower extension at x6689.”
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larocque6689 wrote:
Lang,
Let me get this straight just so its clear. JJ is now a Universal executive and working on behalf of the AIDS Virus of Television?
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Languatron wrote:
You said it, not me.
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JJRAKMAN wrote:
Oh no! What have I done? 😆
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RGrant wrote:
But you haven’t made his enemy list, JJ.
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JJRAKMAN wrote:
Well, he can’t put the entire CA Member list on there, can he?
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Languatron wrote:

RGrant: “It’s not looking good for the mini-series. I can’t believe what’s happening to it. Anxiety attack!!! I’ll take it out on Langy!!!”
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mattg591971 wrote:
Has anyone definitively proven that Languatron himself does not work in the Black Tower as sort of a double agent? Or that Languatron is indeed one person, not several people using the same login from the same IP address? I think the wild swings in logic, the thickheaded refusal to acknowledge simple grade school facts, etc., may add up to the latter.
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jewels wrote:
Apostrophes:
Use to make possesives as in: Moore’s boundless ego
Use to denote the abscence of a century (when the century can be universally assumed to be understood): for the 1970s you use the ’70s
Use to indicate position of missing letters in contractions: Let’s
When is it possessive when does it contract? its is the possessive–it is the exception to the rule; it’s is the contraction of it is.
Langy: I highly recommend looking at your local library for either the “AP Stylebook” or the “Chicago Manual of Style.” The first is used by journalists the second by book editors to standardize the usage of punctuation.
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Languatron wrote:
Now that all of the Universal execs have been herded into one place, maybe we can keep them all from making anymore DANGEROUS decisions.
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larocque6689 wrote:
Langy, are you suggesting that Jewels is also now a Universal executive, and working on behalf of the AIDS Virus of television?
My curiosity, its getting the better of me.
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Stallion Cornell wrote:
This is the funniest thread I have read in a very long time. It’s also something of a milestone. Witness the following:
Languatron, who thinks ‘Bob’s shoe’ means ‘Bob is shoe,’ wrote:
RGrant: “It’s not looking good for the mini-series. I can’t believe what’s happening to it. Anxiety attack!!! I’ll take it out on Langy!!!”

Note the first word in the faux RGrant quote. He does it again in the next sentence, too! To my recollection, this is the first time Langy has ever used an apostrophe S appropriately in over four years. And he does it twice in a row!
Languatron, my friend, I applaud you and salute you. This is a massive step forward for a man with your condition, and you deserve an extra side of pudding from the ward cafeteria tonight.
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Languatron wrote:
Let the Universal execs only worry about apostrophes right now. When the mini-series gets pulled, thats-(NO APOSTROPHE, HAH)!!!-when the Universal execs will really start worrying!!
(Those little dashes piss off RGrant as well). I-JUST-WISH-I-KNEW-THAT-A-HELL-OF-ALOT-SOONER!!!
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Goldfish wrote:
man i may be new here, but it already seems to me that you are by far the most negative person here….chill out
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Commander Taggert wrote:
Beware, Goldfish. You have no idea what you are getting yourself into.
Whether you know it or not, you just became a Universal Executive… and your office is in the “Black Tower.” Most of the time, you will be hiding under your desk, quaking in fear, never knowing when the next Languatron post will hit! Oh, it’s nightmarish!
But, don’t worry… there’s an upside… we all frequently fly together on our private jet, ANTIGALACTICA ONE, to Donald Bellisario’s ANTIGALACTICA RANCH, where we sit around in hot tubs trying to come up with new and different ideas for burying the Galactica property once and for all.
Then we eat pizza.
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Goldfish wrote:
do i get a new secretary? do i get a free membership to the evil exceutive conspiracy magazine? that must make me the youngest exec ever

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Tomorrow: The Bet!!

A quick non-Lang tangent - check out my OTHER blog!
The Bet

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  1. Although I was getting bored with the Langy novel being produced in blog form, I do really enjoy a good flame war! Why is it that most revolve around grammar?