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Whither the Ozone Layer?

Remember the Ozone Layer?

Remember how doomed we were all going to be? The layer would disappear, which would mean no protection from the sun’s ultraviolet rays anymore. We’re going to be burned to a crisp! Sizzled! And why? Because we were all using too much hairspray. And air conditioners. And once that layer was gone, boy, it was gone. The end. We were all going to fry like a frog on a hot skillet.

That is, like, sooooo ten years ago.

See, in the meantime, it turns out that the ozone layer is repairing itself, because it fluctuates naturally. Solar activity produces ozone. We couldn’t get rid of the layer if we tried, even if we all used a gallon of hairspray per day on six billion Donald Trump-style combovers.

Guys, these doomsayer environmentalists have NEVER BEEN RIGHT. About ANYTHING.

So when my daughter Cleta comes home with her book order and thinks it might be fun to get a book about how we can all be greener, or even considers buying An Inconvenient Truth: School Edition, I want to absolutely throw up. These people are peddling sludge. Lies. Garbage. I’d rather eat a bowlful of DDT than allow Al Gore to poison my daughter’s mind. (And, by the way, studies conclusively prove that eating a bowlful of DDT wouldn’t hurt me in the least – another instance where green sensibilities have cost lives. Banning DDT has resulted in the deaths of millions upon millions of Africans who needlessly suffer from malaria. Thanks, enviros!)

Yes, I remember sitting in Mrs. O’Brien’s third-grade class and reading about the coming ice age. Now it’s the rising sea, because suddenly we’re warming, not cooling. Nobody bothers to note that the screeching alarmists who wrote my third grade textbook were dead wrong, just as nobody’s willing to announce that we don’t have to get the SPF 5000 sunscreen advertised in the movie RoboCop. We just move on to the next panic, one that always somehow requires us to cede more of our resources and our freedom to a centralized, paternalistic government.

I wish this were a conspiracy, but it isn’t. Conspiracies happen in secret. This is sheer, total idiocy put on display for all the world to see and embrace. And now both parties are embracing it. John McCain is in Utah today, mending fences, appearing with Mitt Romney, telling us all to go back to being good Republicans and vote the party line. And as soon as the coot is elected, he’ll push a multi-trillion tax to deal with a non-existent problem that only the bloated, clunky, ossified Federal Government can solve.

Today’s a good day for a global warming alarmist kook like McCain to show up in Utah. See, it’s almost April. And it snowed this morning.

And I'm somewhat miffed...
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  1. D&C 121:12 is fascinating. It seems so out of place – almost like it was a parenthetical comment. It says: “God hath set his hand and seal to change the times and seasons, and to blind their minds, that they may not understand his marvelous workings; that he may prove them also and take them in their own craftiness;” I wonder exactly what it means, and I wonder if it has anything to do with fluctuating environmental trends that make arrogant elitists twist themselves into ever-changing knots. I don’t know, but I wonder.

  2. Stallion,Can’t you see??? Isn’t it obvious that all the awareness that was raised around the Ozone and the banning of CFCs is what resulted in the “SAVING” of our entire planet? Can’t you see… they were right all along!!!You just go along your merry way, though, and we’ll talk again when either NYC is under 5 feet of water or my alarmist evangelism has once again averted another fake environmental disaster!Either way, I’ll be right.Signed,The Alarmist