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Languatron: Anatomy of a Wuss-Out

Languatron, who’s $50 welched bet with RGrant is the stuff of legend, is now spewing pathetic excuses for why he chickened out of the opportunity to put his bravado where his fists are. In his book, Languatron cheerfully promises to “kick my a.. to the Moon” if he ever gets a chance to meet me.

So I gave him that chance. And he chickened out. What does he have to say for himself?

Well, here’s his response. (You can read it in its original context by clicking here.)

One has to question the mental stability of this guy who has me on his mind way too often. First, he mentions me practically every other day in his blog, then he announces that he is polluting O’Hare Airport with his Mormon, Universal executive presence, and wants me to come and get him.

I’ve already proven that I can “get” people like Cornell in far more effective ways, such as in bulletin board posts, and in books.

A fine response. Nice to know Languatron is a regular reader. And I, too, question my own mental stability.

But then he gets wussy as he responds to AlphaNova, who congratulates him on his wussiness.

I’m glad you’re safe and sound, Alpha. I would hope that all of the physical threats made on the Internet are just words. In the case of Stallion_Cornell, I think his mental stability has deteriorated considerably recently (not that he was ever mentally sound in the first place), and for him to even jokingly remark that he is waiting for me at O’Hare Airport for a physical confrontation is distrubing to say the least. Though I remarked that I wanted to “kick his butt to the Moon if I ever met him”, that was a figure of speech, not a literal promise. Cornell often interprets literally figures of speech to advance whatever deranged agendas he has.

So his threat wasn’t a threat. It was a “figure of speech,” which I took as a threat of physical violence because of my “deranged agenda.” (One ponders in vain as to how one would derange an agenda, but I digress.)

If this was just a “figure of speech,” what, in fact, was Languatron really trying to say? Surely he was not literally going to thrust his foot solidly into my buttocks and propel me to the Sea of Tranquility. In that sense, yes, his empty taunt was a figure of speech, where the actual words are not to be understood with their literal meanings. But the phrase “kick your butt” is a figure of speech implying physical violence, a threat made even more likely by the necessity Languatron placed on meeting me in person to carry out said threat.

Yet, apparently, what he meant was “If I ever get a chance to meet Stallion Cornell in person, I’m going to hide like a little girl and post infantile tauntings on an obscure Internet bulletin board.” That’s what he does now. Why would he have to meet me in person to do it some more?

I guess “I owe RGrant fifty bucks” is a figure of speech for “I enjoy a sauna in my own flatulence.”

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11 Comments

  1. Wow.First of all, flattering that I get mentioned in the blog here.Second, Stallion did you really, seriously want to fight him? Was that your goal, agenda, whatever when you wrote the comment in your blog?I’ve spent a certain amount of time on “flame boards” and have seen that most of what’s written isn’t intended to be taken “seriously”. I assumed your comment to Lang here was in the vein..much as Lang’s comment about you in his book.Now, what if this fight actually took place in the airport? The logical outcome would be that one or probably both of you would be arrested, correct? Also, at no time did I congratulate him on being a “wuss” or anything like that. I do believe more in a “war of words” and textual flaming than RL threats.

  2. Let <>what<> go?No, I didn’t wan to fight him. You’ll notice that at no time did I challenge him to a fight. I told him to “come and get me,” as I would presumably have just stood there and taken the thrashing I deserved. What I really did was call his bluff. I had really bad Pacific Snapper for dinner at McGrath’s Fish House tonight.

  3. Stallion Cornell and I once had a boxing match with Spiderman boxing gloves from Toys R Us.I can’t remember who won. He definitely had reach on me, though.

  4. Challenging this person to come find you in an airport the size of Delaware on 45 minutes notice can hardly be considered “calling his bluff.”More like having a little fun at his expense, no? Seems like it has worked, if there are rebuttal postings at another blog.

  5. I agree that it was highly unlikely he would be able to get to the airport and find you in 45 minutes, and even if he did what then? The idea of “flaming” is to get a reaction from the other person. It sounds like both sides accomplished that goal.

  6. Have you seen the fight scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary between Colin Firth and Hugh Grant? You know, where they pull their hair and scratch each other and kick each other’s shins and stuff?That’s how I picture the fight between you and Langy.