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An Important Nick Smith Update

You haven’t forgotten our pal Nick Smith, have you? He’s the hater who emailed me out of the blue to inform me how dippy Mormons are, something he knows personally because Mormon women are dumb enough to have sex with him. I would think he’d recognize how badly that reflects on him, not me, but what do I know? I’m the stupid one, remember?

Anyhoo, as I described in my last post on the subject, I emailed him back and heard nothing. Nothing! Up late one night, I sent him one final message…

From: Stallion Cornell <stallion@stallioncornell.com>
To: Nick Smith <nicksmith382@yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, January 12, 2013 2:15 AM
Subject: Re:
So are we done, then? I found a very stupid Jehovah’s Witness you might be interested in.

 

And tonight, almost two weeks later, I got a response! Here it is…

On Jan 22, 2013, at 8:53 PM, Nick Smith <nicksmith382@yahoo.com> wrote:
Why is this weirdo still talking to me? You’re a clown

 

Naturally, I decided to still talk to him.

Nick! Buddy! I thought you were too busy diddling pious imbeciles to finish up our little chat! How’s tricks? (I mean that literally.)

Hugs and kisses,

Mormon Bozo (Mozo for short.)

As soon as I hear word, I shall inflict it upon my loyal readership post haste.

UPDATE: His latest missive arrived at 5:21 AM on the morning of January 23, 2013:

I think you’ve just confirmed how ridiculous you people truly are. Good grief

A Charlie Brown fan! Naturally, I fired off another round…

You and I have very different ideas about what constitutes the ridiculous. In my mind, “ridiculous” usually involves a public lack of pants. “Ridiculous” is Bob Dylan’s Christmas album. But most of all, “ridiculous” is contacting a total stranger and making witless, vitriolic generalizations about 14,000,000 people and labeling them all clods because you think they find you hot.

Well, no matter how hunky you may be to the brain-dead community, I, for one, am NOT willing to have sex with you! I mean, sweet fancy Moses, you’ve never even bought me dinner.

Awaiting another scintillating reply…

Inaugural Fear
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